#but i STILL think Something Better will end up more hopeful than a prequel show would be... because nobody would end up happy in a prequel!
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i feel like i'm in at a lonely table for one here... but i don't want any SU continuity to be a prequel. and i think some people who want a prequel, haven't really thought through what that would look like.
either a war prequel or a rose quartz prequel would end up as a huge downer. the steven/post-steven era is the only one that has any HOPE for the vast majority of the characters.
idk. i feel like if you really want flashbacks, there's nothing STOPPING a post-SU future series (whether an anthology series or a new main character) from having flashbacks. maybe pearl's the main character for an episode, and its mostly her telling old war stories. maybe bismuth and garnet finally have that beta raid flashback.
but if you set it in the past, definitively, then its going to be a bummer. because all the characters end up corrupted, shattered, deeply traumatized, or fleeing to homeworld. nobody feels like a winner right after the war. not a single character.
most gems are only beginning to heal from it now.
SU, thematically, has always focused on the possibility of hope and change. that's only possible in the future, not the past.
you want lore? you can have that in an anthology or post-future series. there is nothing stopping peridot or the diamonds from having a "explaining gem origins and religion" ep. you want action sequences? again, pearl can narrative war flashbacks, or we can even set an anthology episode in the past proper. or have a new conflict!
personally, i don't see a reason to set it only in the past. that's just an unnecessary limit on the stories you're able to tell.
#steven universe#su sequel#su prequel#i realize i'm writing a quite depressing fanfic (at the moment) while complaining about downers#but the difference between Something Better and what i would Actually want an SU sequel to look like#is that Something Better is focused on a very depressed character with a lot of issues and not a lot of friends#but it can still get better for her... eventually!#whereas in a Real SU Sequel you would probably want... a bit more balance? more levity and a few more joyful or lighthearted storylines?#because its a fundamentally hopeful show. made for a mass audience rather than me self-indulgently psychoanalyzing one character#but i STILL think Something Better will end up more hopeful than a prequel show would be... because nobody would end up happy in a prequel!#not one person!!!
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You Can Start a Family (Extra: Fan Reactions)
Finally doing my first requested story!
Based on the following ask from @drunk-teens-doing-drugs and the comment from @luxiorchive
Summary: A serious of reactions from from fans and Media about Harry's new girlfriend as well as Mitch & Sarah's feelings of being left out of big moments. This story starts immediately after the end of chapter 10.
Previous Chapters:
Main Story: One ; Two ; Three ; Four ; Five ; Six ; Seven ; Eight ; Nine ; Ten
Sickfic Part 1 ; Part 2
Mitchrry Prequel
Mitch & Matilda
Wordcount: 2.1K
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âCan you do me a favor?â Harry says, breaking the morning silence.
âUhm, yea, sure, what is it?â You ask. Unless Harry asked you for something crazy youâd do pretty much anything he said right now. Two days ago, he joined your relationship and you, Harry, Mitch, and Sarah had your first official date together. Yesterday you all spent the day out on the water enjoying the beautiful Italian views. The night ended back in your shared bed, you and Harry having sex for the first time while Mitch and Sarah reconnected right next to you.
So yea, you were pretty blissed out and content, happy to please your boyfriends and girlfriend however they want.
Youâve all been awake for a little while, hanging out in bed and switching cuddle partners every now and then. Youâre currently in between Mitch and Sarah with Harry on Sarahâs other side. Heâd picked up his phone a few minutes ago, seeing a screen full of notifications and he knew he had to peek at what was happening, just to make sure nothing was wrong. Which has led to him asking you a favor.
âCan you not go on social media today?â He asks you.
âSure,â you answer quickly. That was an easy request. You arenât even sure where your phone is to be honest. Youâre more than happy to exist in your little happy bubble, but still, youâre curious about his request. âCan I ask why you want me offline today?â
âYea the uh, the pap photos from yesterday have been posted.â
âOh gosh, what, are they bad? Was it a terrible angle and I look awful? Did they like, photoshop someone elseâs face on me or something?â
âNo, love,â he answers with a laugh. âNothing like that. Itâs just that this is new and Iâm not sure how people are going to respond yet. I want to make sure you donât stumble across something nasty.â
âDo you think people are going to be negative?â Sarah asks, worried about the idea of you two receiving backlash.
âI never know what to think,â he replies while scrolling through his phone. âBut I will say that everything seems positive so far. Media outlets are confused, wondering who this âmystery womanâ is. Fans are much better detectives. Theyâve already posted some videos of you at my shows.â
âCan I see?â Mitch asks and takes the phone Harry hands him. After a moment he says, âOh this is good. The people who were near you at the concerts are all saying how nice and chill you were. Thereâre a few comments saying you seem to follow Harryâs treat people with kindness motto, thatâs like the best compliment his fans can give.â
You smile at that, remembering all the moments you got to share with Harryâs fans during his shows. You realize that you probably wonât be able to do that again in the future, now that youâre officially known as Harryâs new girl, but you hope youâll still be able to interact with the fans in some way.
âOkay, phones away,â Sarah says, and Mitch immediately locks the phone and hands it back to Harry.
âWhatâs the plan for today?â Sarah then asks.
âCan we stay here and go swimming?â you ask. âIâve been taking Ryan in the pool a lot but I donât get to actually swim, you know?â
âSounds good to me,â Harry replies as the other two nod in agreement. âHow is Ryan?â he asks, and you fill them in on the boy you nanny as you all get ready.
The four of you spend that day and the next relaxing at the private villa. It isnât until dinner of the second evening that Harry decides itâs time to pop the bubble and see what people are saying online.
Youâre all sitting at the table outside and he explains that no news is good news, that his publicist would have called if there was anything truly bad being said. He pulls out his phone and starts to scroll. When he doesnât say anything for the first minute you start to get anxious but finally he begins to smile.
âItâs good?â Sarah asks.
âItâs- Yea. Itâs really good. I mean, I hoped this would be the reaction, but Iâm used to getting so much negativity that I didnât think it would actually be like this. I mean thereâs a couple of bad comments but for the most part itâs, God, itâs really good.â Harry says this with a smile so big his dimples are showing. Suddenly your insecurities and fears vanish, replaced by joy for your boyfriend.
His words and obvious relief make you remember all that heâs been through with the public. Heâs suffered years of lies and abuse from fans and media alike, and heâs probably been more worried than anyone else the past few days even if he wasnât showing it.
You move to sit in his lap, kissing him gently then asking, âCan you read us some comments?â
Harry complies happily, one arm wrapped around you as he tells you all what people are saying.
There are hundreds of comments saying how cute and happy you two look together. Some people have negative things to say about you, but even seeing them say that youâre not pretty, or too plain, or a total nobody canât shake you. It doesnât matter what they think, not really. It matters what Harry and Sarah and Mitch think. And since they respond with compliments to contradict every negative comment youâre feeling pretty good.
Thereâs a feeling of celebration in the air and you realize that you were all more worried about the feedback than you thought. But seeing so much positivity makes you feel really happy. You didnât necessarily need the validation but having that rather than having people hate your relationship with Harry uncomplicates things a little bit. A four-person relationship is a lot to manage and needing to make the public happy wouldâve added a strain that you all simply did not want to deal with.
Over the next few months people spot you and Harry together a few times both in England and in the US. Every time new pictures drop the fans get so excited and comment about how happy they are for you and Harry.
On a few occasions all four of you are spotted together. As always the fans have a number of theories about that and youâre all relieved to see the most common one is that you must be friends with Mitch and Sarah, and they introduced you and Harry.
Youâre happy that they came to this conclusion naturally, since thatâs what you always hoped the fans would think. The downside of course is that you have to distance yourself from Mitch and Sarah when youâre in public. You can somewhat get away with being close to Sarah since people seem to love that you two are âbestiesâ. However, you and Mitch are extremely careful not to get too close, knowing that tabloids and gossip columns would jump on an opportunity to claim drama with Harryâs relationship.
For the most part, this secrecy is just a part of life. In fact, none of you really want any of your personal lives shared with the public if you can help it. But sometimes it does get difficult not being able to show each member of your relationship the same level of love and attention.
One of the biggest examples of that is the Grammy Awards in 2024. Harryâs up for an award and was asked to give a performance as well. The four of you get ready together and hype each other up throughout the day while making sure to not be too obvious in front of the stylists in the room.
When everyone is ready and about to get in the cars Harry turns to you and says, âYou look absolutely beautiful my love.â He leans down and presses a kiss to your lips. When you break apart youâre blushing, aware of Anthony taking pictures of the moment.
âThank you,â you finally reply. âYou look gorgeous as well.â You lean together for another kiss and after a moment you pull away laughing and swatting at Harry as he gently tickles your sides.
You glance over to Sarah and Mitch standing together in another part of the room. Thereâs a mixture of emotions on their faces and you know them well enough by this point to figure out what theyâre feeling with just a look. First is a look of adoration since they simply adore and love both you and Harry. But under that is concern? No. Not concern. Jealousy.
They want to be a part of that moment. Not for any sort of external praise or fame, but because they want to share every part of life all together as a foursome.
These feelings continue throughout the entire day. They want to be by Harryâs side with you as you support him down the red carpet. When you meet them all backstage after the performance they wish that they could share a kiss with you like Harry does. And when Harry wins in his category they want to celebrate with him instead of cheering him on from a separate table in the back of the room.
For someone who has no prior relationship experience before this, you are very good at figuring out what your boyfriends and girlfriend need at any given moment. And that night Mitch and Sarah need to be reassured that theyâre as much a part of the relationship as you and Harry.
After finally leaving the afterparty that management forced you and Harry to attend you rush home hoping Mitch and Sarah will still be up. You find them both cuddled on the couch in sweats and immediately realize how uncomfortable your dress is.
Without hesitation you remove your dress, drop it on the floor, and pick up Sarahâs oversized sweater from a nearby chair. You slide it on, and it reaches mid-thigh, so you decide youâre clothed enough. You snuggle in between Mitch and Sarah and Harry joins the cuddle session on the couch a moment later. Things stay innocent for the remainder of the movie thatâs playing and then you decide to show the others just how much you love them.
You first focus on Mitch and Sarah, pleasing them and showering them with care and adoration. Then the three of you turn to Harry and congratulate him on another Grammy win in a way that only the three of you are allowed to do.
After that instance the four of you have a conversation about what everyone was feeling that night. From day one you all knew that open communication is key and so over breakfast you hash out all the emotions and come up with a solution to make sure no one is ever feeling left out.
Things arenât always easy for you and Harry either. While the general publicâs reaction to you and him dating is mostly positive, there are negative comments and sometimes things can spiral out of control.
One time your cousin Matt is visiting during a week when Harry happens to be away for work. Pictures of you and Matt start to surface and within hours the cheating rumors begin. At first it doesnât bother you as itâs honestly kind of expected, but people started to get downright nasty. Finally, you post a story on Instagram, introducing Matt as your cousin in a borderline passive aggressive manner. Most people back off after that, but some donât believe you. From that moment you know thereâs a subsection of fans that will never like you, but you know itâs a small group, so you let it slide.
There are also people who donât like you simply because youâre dating Harry Styles. They stayed in the background when those first pictures were posted, thinking youâd be gone pretty quickly. But when they realized you were sticking around they started to post nasty comments. Itâs mostly just typical mean girl stuff, saying youâre too plain, or fat, or short, or any judgmental thing they can think of even if it couldnât be farther from the truth.
You donât mind these comments too much, knowing theyâre made mostly out of jealousy. And nights when they surface tend to end in Sarah, Mitch, and Harry showering you in compliments and worshipping your body so really the internet trolls are doing you a favor.
You know youâre never going to win over everyone so having a majority of people happy for you and Harry makes you feel content. But at the end of the day, what they think doesnât matter. Because you have the most wonderful boyfriends and girlfriend to share life with, and that makes you the luckiest person alive.
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Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!
Let me know if you have any requests!
Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @theekyliepage @numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry @ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess @houseofdilfs @shaquille-0atmeal-1 @kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye @n0vaj3an @snwells @drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305
#harry styles x reader#mitch rowland x harry styles#mitch rowland x reader#mitch rowland x sarah jones x reader#sarah jones x reader#sarah jones x mitch rowland x reader#harry styles fanfiction
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Seeing as how the nocturne s2 trailer just dropped I figured Iâd ask something Iâm a bit curious about
If season 3+4 of the original show ended up following the plot of curse of darkness do you think it could have done that story justice or turned out much better than what we got? With the characterization of Hector and Isaac in season 2 of the show it would have diverged anyways, but itâs interesting to think about.
I just know a lot of critics of the show point out that there was already a story to tell after the events of cv3, but if theyâd gone that route would it really have been what Curse fans wanted anyways?
I think this question should be asked to the fans who were following the development of the show in real time lol, because poor things clearly had hope until S4 đ I remember reading posts of people who were absolutely certain that Hector's story would have ended with him going on a rampage, killing Carmilla and Lenore, running away and meeting Rosaly for his happy ending.
I don't think their characterizations back then would have been an issue. Yes, show Isaac is far calmer and more introspective, but his only personality in S2 is "Dracula simp who thinks Hector is shit under his shoe", which tracks although he's less fun about it. Yes, show Hector is more mellow and trusting, but he was still perfect material for a character arc revolving around him learning empathy for his fellow humans, and learning to think for himself and deciding what he truly wants to do in life, which is more or less his arc in the prequels.
See, the issue is that S2's finale already diverged from CoD's set up. Isaac being yeeted away while stewing in anger? Yes, that could have lead to his descent into madness: I suspect the writers reversed this arc when they realized how... unfortunate it'd look, with their new shiny Isaac. But were they less cowards, sure, I can see Isaac losing his self-important veneer and becoming increasingly unhinged. Maybe his red hair would grow to symbolize it!
But Hector ends S2 tricked, humiliated, beaten and dragged away as a prisoner. A sheer contrast to how, in canon, he ran away after claiming agency. Carmilla's very existence throws a wrench into CoD's story, because the prequels were all about Hector understanding that working for Dracula is wrong, while S2 was all about Carmilla being the only braincell in the castle and dragging Hector along like a dog to cause Dracula's downfall. Had Hector freed himself from her clutches in S3, we could have still had an interesting story maybe (I'm fond of the Hectorcard plot of him running back to the castle and bonding with Alucard over their grief lol), but I'm not sure how this Hector, a Hector who is wracked with guilt over contributing to Dracula's death, one that is so insecure and hasn't spoken with a human being in years (Isaac doesn't count), would fare with a woman who is meant to be a stand-in for Rosaly (because no way they'd write her as the Rosaly we know: we all know how much the show loves its sassy mean women). Plus, the story would be poorer because Carmilla would be just. lost. which is technically what happens in S3 already lmao Lenore snatches her place - you know what I mean
Therefore, the rewrite has to start even before S3. @chumpovodir once had a great idea about how she'd keep Hector and Isaac as the villains of the story and how the plotbeats of CoD could be shoehorned into the show. Another wonderful alternative comes from @notebookofthedead, that also tries to meet the show halfway through, and even includes a fusion of Rosaly and Julia as Hector's new ally and the spark for his character development lol.
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Welcome once again star sailors,..............
First of all, with immense regret I apologise for not delving further into the following panels. This was going to be perhaps the most important post of the entire series (up till the end of Giyuu Gaiden). Sorry for the inconvenience, as I know myself the pain of not reading analysis series in order.
Now not leaving the task on to-do, let's move on, shall we?
I once again ask you to look at this panel:
(If you have not read the prequel part of this series, I strongly suggest doing that. Context will be needed in order to understand the further clues.)
As you remember, in the last episode of this series, I discussed Shinobu's intent with her quote on the top of the page. We discussed the sarcasm and the meaning behind it.
But now we are focusing on Giyuu. First of all, I would like to make the following statements.
This novella is set after the kamado massacre.
Giyuu is feeling guilt about letting Nezuko live (for reference, check the the second part of the Giyuu Gaiden novel)
Giyuu downplays himself, considering himself to be lower than anyone else.
Shinobu directly just made statement to her judgement on demons
Now.......I wonder how this all adds up.
Giyuu is feeling guilt for what he did. Or I would much rather say, what he chose to do. He most likely feels that another hashira would have made a better decision.
And now Shinobu directly states her reaction. This isn't a simple coincidence. The author is deliberately trying to show us that Giyuu's decision was something that Shinobu- and maybe any other hashira- would not have chosen.
Giyuu's reaction tells us about how he feels this guilt. When he realises what Shinobu would have done if she was in his place, he immediately starts thinking about his decsion.
It shows the most important part of the manga: What sets Giyuu apart from the other Hashiras. While I admit I analyse this as the 'Giyuu and Shinobu analysis series', this is the Giyuu Gaiden. This about Giyuu.
But this single page tells us more about Shinobu's reason to be here. Why wasn't someone like Sanemi placed in here? Yes, I know I am elaborating a single page, but the treasure it holds is far too vast to even be covered in this post.
So if you are a keen Shinobu fan like me, you might want to read my next blog post (yet too be released).
And so, this was it ladies and gentlemen and any other readers. I hope to venture deeper into Shinobu's position in this manga in the next post with you in the next post. Till then, don't forget to give up. Stay strong. We don't fight demons, but let's still commit to our responsibilities.
Let's make their sacrifices worth.
Yours Truly,
Shinowadh
#demon slayer#kny shinobu#kny giyuu#giyuushino#shinogiyuu#giyuu x reader#giyuu x shinobu#kny ships#kny manga#kny spoilers#kny x reader#kimetsu mitsuri#obanai x mitsuri#demon slayer rengoku#rengoku kyojuro#sanemi shinaguzawa#muichuro#kny tokitou#hashira#giyuu gaiden#stories of water and flame#shinobu kocho#demon slayer shinobu#tanjiro#nezuko kamado#zenitsu agatsuma#inosuke hashibira#tamayo#yushiro#kny mitsuri
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I finally watched Trigun Stampede. Speaking as someone who really, really loved Trigun (1998) and watched it + Badlands Rumble multiple times growing up, nothing holds to that nostalgia. But I really liked it! The animation and art is so, so pretty. The framing, the combat scenes, it's all just really impressive and gorgeous. The original was also very impressive visually, especially for its time, so that feels like something that held up. It looks like how a Trigun revamp should, I think. (A little disappointed by Vash's sexy hair because he was sexy DESPITE his goofy hair damnit, but yeah like. it looks good on him. whatever. also the old coat was cooler sorry.)
Not sure who out there wants to talk about this and not just look longingly at Vashwood art (fair) but I really enjoyed that it was so fully different. Different takes on the story and a different but still fully contained story structure so that I wasn't 100% sure what was going to happen or how things would play out. I haven't read the manga yet (I really do mean to get around to that one day), so I can't speak to which show is more book-accurate, but it was neat to see some of the same stuff happening but have it be handled differently enough to keep me on my toes. I particularly loved the fuller backstory and more fleshed out angles of the main conflict, and especially the worm perspective. I did a little reading on the wikis and it seems this is the more manga-accurate lore for Zazie the Beast, and I enjoyed that part of Stampede a lot. It did sort of bring up more questions than it answered (ok so what happens to the worms if humans and plants learn to get along and they terraform the planet?), but then it also left a big open door for more story that I really hope we will get. Excellent setup and worldbuilding overall.
The art change for the Wolfwood backstory was also really neat, and again, I enjoyed getting more and fuller backstories in general. I loved the contrast of that soft fuzzy artstyle to his gritty present day, and and I loved, loved how bloody and gory the show was overall. I don't watch a lot of anime these days but the blood spouts felt very 90s to me. I did miss a lot of the old Wolfwood angst though. His whole cult was still there as a villain (I don't think they called them the Gung-Ho-Guns though, too silly?), but the twist of his character arc was so heartbreaking in the original and it's very understated in Stampede. Of course I love that he's not dead (yet?), but his role in the story felt a lot less significant.
I think my recommendation would still be to watch 1998 first. Stampede has a huge tonal shift. It almost isn't goofy at all, which is fine if you already have the silliness of OG Vash in your heart and know that side of the characters, but I did miss it. A lot of the comic relief got pushed to Merryl which I didn't love, but I did like what they did with her arc in setting her up to go from naive kid employee to the one in charge. Interesting to see kind of a prequel for her while the rest of the story is not "prequel" to Trigun so much as just a kind of all over rehash of some of the same events and some different ones.
I think with having more episodes, Trigun (1998) was able to pull off a better slow burn on these goofy characters with traumatic pasts and all the fun little whiplashes you can get out of seeing the goofy idiot turn serious, but it also suffers from bad anime tropes and being From the 90s. Stampede is pretty much just serious, which worked very well in its limited story time, but I missed the goofs.
Without having actually read it, I would say that Stampede feels like it is probably more manga accurate. And while it was self-contained in a satisfying way, I like the open ending and the many new questions I have. Like, wtf happens to all those pregnant plants now? Vash didn't undo that as far as I could tell, they were very much still pregnant with Knives' baby independents. Did they die? Knives clones for season 2? Maybe not quite clones because of Vash's involvement? Not getting into the general grossness of that, (it's pretty gross!) but it's definitely room for more questions about freewill and souls and mutual dependency. Can't wait.
Anyway, I liked Trigun Stampede and I will be very excited to get more. (Wolfwood death scene that defined me as a person when?) All in all, Trigun remains a 10/10 and I will probably finally go read the manga now, it's about time.
#trigun#trigun stampede#don't tell me if there's more on the gross forced plant pregnancy plot in the manga#I bet there is
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how long have you been watching wakfu
Hey moth â¨â¨
Iâve actually been watching Wakfu since 2012.
The first time I heard about it was when I used to have Netflix and even then, that was back when the streaming platform didnât have Season 2 yet lol
What drew me into watching it was mainly cuz of the cover. This one specifically đ
It used to only show Yugo opening a portal and because of the style, it made me wonder what the story could be about (at the time I used to think Yugo looked pretty cute so that was also another reason lol).
I remember how my first instinct was switch the language to English when I first watched it. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. The reason why I switched it for english tho was because netflix was primarily English so I thought that the French language of Wakfu wasnât the main one (and I thought it sucked without even taking a second to listen to it đ ) Thankfully, as soon as I heard Alibert and Ruel talking, I IMMEDIATELY went back to the settings cuz I knew I fucked up. I ainât listening to this trash again lol
So I switched it to French and i realized it was a thousand times BETTER than the English version. Thatâs when I realized Wakfu was french.
I loved the places and the people. It was something Iâve never seen before. The French dubbing was so smooth and funny I loved it so much. The âfillersâ, which letâs be honest werenât actual fillers, were also so fun to see with the whole gang.
Even at the time, I used to believe there would eventually be something between Amalia and Yugo lol cuz ainât no way you guys constantly hug like this for the dumbest reasons.
When Season 1 ended, I really hoped they werenât gonna do us like that because I really wanted a season season. At the time I didnât think ankama already did Season 2 (since 2011 đ) cuz I thought Netflix was always on time so it took me some time to wait for it but a year passed by and it finally got here!! I was so happy that day you had no idea. I had to wait for a whole year before it dropped so my ass was pretty much traumatized after seeing Dally die for the first time I legit thought that he was gonna come back cuz of Noxâs machine but nope đ I remember being so sad when I first saw that ending. I really didnât want it to end, I got too attached to these guys (Amalia was still my favorite back then cuz she was too relatable)
So i watched Season 2 in 2013 AND I LOVED IT. Again, they couldnât disappoint me. It just got better from that day on.
Thatâs when I slowly started to dig deeper into Wakfu because there were so many references to things that Yugo and the others were saying that I didnât even understand. I then learned that Wakfu was based on an MMORPG with the same name,Wakfu, and that there was a prequel to it, Dofus. I also saw how they even had a side story called âMini Wakfuâ which were just shorts from Season 1. I watched that mini series on youtube back then.
Because of Season 2, I was now sure that there will be more to it because so much has been said and yet so little has been explored. So I waited, bought myself some time by watching other shows.
Thatâs when the ovas happened.
And oh my god I was not ready for it.
The ovas released in 2016 on Netflix but had already been a thing since 2014. Blame Netflix.
And again, there were so much more references that made me feel so confused like who OtomaĂŻ was, Ogrest (who was only a giant mention in Season 1 to me), Maskemane, Echo, Sipho, Harebourg, etc.
I was confused but so intrigued because it made me learn that the Krosmoz was A LOT BIGGER than what I thought it would be. And thatâs what I like. I love how a story has multiple timelines, has complex strange plot holes in certain places that makes you want to become a theorizer, has so many diverse characters and relationships. Things like those are why I fell in love with the legend of Zelda and fnaf franchises.
Thatâs how I learned about the mangas, comics, different games (Dofus, Wakfu, Krosmaga, Dofus touch, minor Dofus games on the App Store, etc.) as well as cancelled games (Islands of Wakfu, Wakfu: Les Gardiens, etc). I even started learning more about the Dofus era by going through Dofus shows like âDofus : Kerubâs Bazaarâ.
Right after the ovas, I watched Goultardâs special episode, Ogrestâs special episode, and Noxâs special episode. Then, I saw the Dofus movie featuring Joris and his mom before watching the show. After, I read the wakfu manga that was supposed to situate itself between Season 2 and the ovas. At the time, there were only four volumes so I binge read them all on a google drive that someone was kind enough to share publicly (that google drive doesnât exist anymore). All of this happened in 2016 btw.
After that, I waited for more news of Wakfu but my dumbass got sidetracked because of binge watching other shows while waiting. I was joining multiplie fandoms while unconsciously waiting for more of Ankama. And thatâs how I missed Season 3 that came out in 2017 đđ Iâm so dumb my god all I had to do was wait another year but noooo youtube had to show me the new season trailer in 2018 instead!
I went back to Netflix, freaking the hell out, binge watched the whole season, got emotional, loved Oropo for kissing Amalia cuz I knew thereâd be drama, absolutely adored the whole percedal family being a family, trying not to laugh at AdamaĂŻâs look for the first time, expecting Ruel to get hard over money, and LOVED the drama between Yugo and Amalia. I WAS A FAN OF THEIR SHIP SINCE SEASON 1 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD which is why I was so happy that we finally got to see so much more of their problems being addressed.
After that, I knew I needed more so I went back to reading comics. I bought the actual volumes 1 to 4 of the wakfu manga (because I wanted to have a physical copy of them even though I already read the story) and then waited for the fifth one. As soon as volume 5 released in 2019 (July 4), I TOOK IT FROM AMAZONâS HANDS CUZ VOLUME 4 WAS KILLING ME WITH ITâS ENDING- (Iâve been waiting since 2016, I wasnât gonna wait any longer).
In 2020, I joined the best wakfu amino on the amino app, and then mainly went looking for Ankama related things like their anime Radiant (I started reading the manga first and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT FOR ITS ORIGINALITY. But I still canât believe that it got released back in 2013 thoâŚ) and then watched the anime that came out for it (the opening song was good but I hate how the anime changed some things to the story. The manga is better but the anime gets its fair share of popularity so I guess thatâs good).
In 2021-2022 I think thatâs where I heard about the kickstarter for Wakfu Season 4 and I was mind blown when I saw the trailer for it.
In 2023, I bought Ogrestâs volumes 1 to 4 because Iâve been waiting to read and know more about Ogrest and what was the deal with the Sadida dolls since I heard about those from some people. My god the manga was so good!! Iâm still waiting for that volume 5 but Iâm extremely certain that it will come very soon now since Mig, the illustrator for the Ogrest manga, has been giving small sneak peeks here and there lately. It was also in the same year that I learned about the One More Gate game and watched Oropoâs special episode.
Then came 2024. And thatâs where I went ape shit. Now you know everything â¨
The latest thing I bought from Ankama shop in 2024 now was the standard version of the Amalia figurine, the vinyl disc pack containing Krosmoz osts, and the Wakfu S3 artbook (tho the artbook was actually not something that you can find in the Ankama shop. I had to dig deep on Amazon and find a seller willing to give it away).
So yeah my history with Wakfu is a pretty messy one and has always been all over the place mainly because I was so slow back then to realize when the releases were happening and how the lore was actually constructed lol
Like it took me so much time to understand that Wakfu was only one piece of a bigger puzzle set and being unaware of so many things back then is still something I tend to regret. I understand that it was because I was still a snotty kid back then who didnât know much about the internet but I canât help myself to think how easy it was to keep up the pace đ
At least I wonât have to think Iâm late anymore because Iâve got a better idea of how it all works now.
Wakfu has been playing a huge part in my life because itâs always been at the back of my mind no matter what fandom I was in at the time. Sure, it was at the back burner but I never had the intention of forgetting about it. It holds way too many memories of the simpler times and has a lot of great ideas I think Iâve never seen other shows have.
#i literally gave a full timeline for this lol#wakfu#ankama#krosmoz#wakfu yugo#wakfu amalia#wakfu eva#wakfu evangelyne#wakfu ruel#wakfu ruel stroud#wakfu dally#wakfu percedal#wakfu adamaĂŻ#wakfu adamai#wakfu season 1#wakfu s1#wakfu asks#wakfu ask#wakfu season 2#wakfu s2#wakfu season 3#wakfu s3#wakfu season 4#wakfu s4#wakfu amalia sheran sharm#amalia sheran sharm#yugo
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Luke design mini-analysis
Iâm a little late to the party so people have been talking a lot about this already, but I wanted to look into Lukeâs new design.
First of all, heâs significantly taller! Luke had already grown between 10 and 13, but not this much. And heâs switched from his classic shorts to long pants and from his weird Mary Jane shoes to normal ones. Heâs lost his cheek blushes of childhood innocence, which many people are complaining about.
Whether or not theyâre retconning the events of the anime, it looks like Lukeâs 15 y/o and young adult designs are canon. His eyebrows appear to be slightly thicker than before, but not nearly as thick as they will be. Plus, he has three bangs in his hair instead of one, also consistent with his older design. Not to mention the reddish vest and shoes which are similar to the ones we see on adult Luke.
The first thing you notice in this new design is the bright red bow tie. The first association is that this is in reference to Emmyâs design during the prequels. The red color looks the same as the ribbon on Laytonâs hat and could serve to tie their designs together visually. Red ribbon bows are also associated with Floraâs design as she has one in her ponytail and one as a belt. All in all, the bow tie might be an amalgamation of references symbolic of past adventures which Luke wears to remind himself of his life back in England.
Back when the anime came out, people were surprised by how different Lukeâs design was, and theorized that he changed his appearance to disassociate himself from Clive after the end of Lost Future. It made sense at the time, and we noticed that he slowly started looking more and more like Clark instead of a bigger version of his past self. But now, interestingly, he looks even more like Clive than he did last year. His hair is in a similar style, he still has his old hat, and that thinking pose is reminiscent of Cliveâs puzzle animations. The blazer and vest combo is very similar.
Itâs possible that Luke still has respect for Clive, or something happened after LS that made him forgive him. Conversely, itâs also possible that he wants to be better than him. This is kind of stupid, but little Luke has one bang in his hair, Clive has two, and from this point forward Luke has three. Itâs also possible that Luke has just been continuing on with his old style, but something happens during or after NWOS that makes Luke want to emulate Clark more.
Either way, the connections Luke built over the last two trilogies shaped him into who he is in his new life in America, and his design reflects that. I do hope we get more explicit reference to this, preferably the characters actually showing up. I expect to see his parents for sure, and hopefully Marina, but surely they have to reference whatâs going on back in London after a year and have someone make an appearance. Right?
#professor layton#luke triton#layton series#pl#new world of steam#pl nwos#nwos#hershel layton#emmy altava#flora reinhold#clive dove#clark triton#marina triton
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Hi! How are you? I hope youâre doing okay!
I have a few questions about your game theory series! 𼳠First of all, itâs the first fic iâve read in months because i kinda stopped reading after awhile since I couldnât find anything that caught my eye as a reader, some fics started to feel the same to me đ I saw yours on twitter and I thought it was really interesting. and it didnât disappoint!! đ¤Š
My questions are: Are you following the seriesâ plotline or book? Or are you creating your own universe(?)/plotline? I mean will you include the events in the series and the book in the future? Safehouse, torture, coup etc? I feel like your story is different than any of I have read so far that is why I wanted to askđ Very unique plot! I have to admit I never thought Pete became Pete since neither the book or the series mentions it. He was the main bodyguard and Tankhunâs and Kinnâs most trusted bodyguard, but how did this happen? đ¤ So your story is really refreshing!
Second question: I know many authors might not know the ending of the story they write since it comes as you write, but will it be happy ending or sad ending? đ May I ask you could you tag if thereâs a mcd before it happens𼚠Third question: will we be seeing Vegas and Macau in the second book again? I think weâre getting closer to ending right?
Third question: how did you start to write this story? Was it something that came to your mind and started writing? Or was it something more planned?
Last question: what will the last bookâs name be? And what would you say about the theme of the book? Is it more angsty?
I am sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language. So I have to think in my own language and translate it as I writeđĽ˛
And I hope I am not too annoying. Please feel free to tell me if I am. And please skip the questions you donât feel comfortable.
Have a nice day đĽ°
Hi there! Wow, thank you so much for your question! I'm so so glad you've enjoyed my story. It makes me so happy that you like it so much! Also, please do not apologize for your English skills. I think your English sounds great and even if it wasn't, it's still impressive to speak in a second language!
As for your questions:
Question One: I plan to follow canon nearly 90%. I did my best to make Prisoner's Dilemma a prequel that would make logical sense with the canon story, so that is what I want to continue in the next book (Trolley Problem). That said, I will be adding some things. As much as I adore Kinnporsche, I think VegasPete's storyline would have done better with some expansion. For example, I think that the safehouse arc would have been perfect if there had been just one or two more scenes, or if the time Pete spent at the safehouse were just a few days more. So, while the story will mainly follow canon, I'll be taking some liberties on what 'happened' during the time we didn't see in the show!
Question Two: I know exactly how this story will end! I always know how my stories will end before I write them and I also never like to write a sad ending. To me, angst is the most fun to write, but only if there's a worthwhile ending to reach. It will be happy, and what I think is an appropriate ending for the all characters in the show (if you look back on my profile, you'll see that I think certain endings from canon aren't appropriate 'happy' endings for characters). But I think what I've planned will be pleasing to everyone!
Question Three: Second book is finished as of today, and it ends with a nice little scene between our favorite brothers. To be honest, any scene with Macau is my favorite to write (that's VegasPete's first son!).
Question Four: So, there's lots of reasons I came up with this story. First, I love Pete dearly, but there is so little known about him and the more I know, the more I just don't think he fits with the main family. And so to me the most logical conclusions was that he would have had to learn in a harsher environment (sans his father). I also love reading fics with Vegas being obsessed with Pete, but I do't see that logically happening unless there was some grand event that put them together, and so I was like 'what if Pete worked for him first?' Just. UGH, I think that a lot about their personalities and obsessions with each other can be explained much better with a backstory like this!
Question Five: The last book will be called 'Dictator's Game', which I think says a lot about what the contents is. The theme is basically 'What really happened between Korn, Nampheung, and Gun?" and how that affects the boys in modern time. Aka, Theerapanyakul War 2.0. There will be angst, but universally. And VegasPete will not have any extreme fights between them because I wanna focus on them being the sanest couple in the bunch.
Please let me know if you have any more questions! I love love LOVE getting to talk about my fic and also just VegasPete/Kinnporsche stuff in general!
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SKZ DRABBLE-OT8
The one where the rules are broken, and maybe better than before.
Or the twentieth installment of the SKZ!pack prequel series, from the other side of the story.
Tags: Skz, stray kids, stay, ot8, skz!pack, skz!abo, poly!skz, omegaverse, pack!prequel, skz!pack prequel, prequel series, bang chan, lee minho, seo changbin, lee felix, hwang hyunjin, han jisung, kim seungmin, yang jeongin, y/n, skz x you, skz x reader, ot8 x you, ot8 x reader, skz drabble, angst
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Comfort
Title: The Other Things (From Changbin's POV)
I fucked up.Â
I know that.Â
But as I stare at the screen of my phone, watching the call go immediately to voicemail-again-I can feel the anger bubbling up to fill the cracks between the pools of guilt and fear sitting in my gut.Â
What the hell was she thinking?
âFuck!â I swear vehemently and toss the phone across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the floor. Iâll worry about that later.Â
Leaning forward, elbows on my knees, I rake my fingers through my hair, over and over, the movements short and repetitive and furious, as I try to think of what to do.Â
I couldnât tell Chan. Hell, I couldnât even tell Jisung or Felix or Seungmin. Theyâd never forgive me.Â
So I stand up slowly, taking in a deep breath, and retrieve my phone, dialing the number of the only person I know who wonât immediately blow this out of proportion.Â
I watch it ring, and then the line connects.
âWhat?â Minhoâs voice snaps through the speaker, annoyed and aloof and altogether entirely Minho.Â
I immediately feel the band around my chest loosen just a bit.Â
âHyung.âÂ
I swallow, suddenly not able to get the words out, and I hear him sigh through the other end of the phone.Â
âWhat?â He repeats again, but doesnât ask anything else, and thatâs what Iâve always liked about Minho, why I called him over anyone else.Â
He doesnât care about other peoplesâ business enough to pry.Â
But he always shows up when you ask him to.Â
And right now, I needed him to.Â
I clear my throat and try again, trying not to think of the dozens of unanswered calls and messages weighing down the phone in my hand.Â
âI messed up.âÂ
Minho snorts, and I hear the clatter of cookware in the background, he must be cooking.Â
âIs this supposed to be news to me?âÂ
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take in another calming breath. My chest feels tight once more as I think back to the argument, and I wince, glad no one can see.Â
âNo, like, I royally fucked up this time. Like enough that I donât know if I-or hell, anyone-can fix it.âÂ
There is a brief silence, and then Minho says, âOkay. Well what do you want me to do about it?âÂ
I know heâs not trying to be smart, or cold, or anything other than straight forward, but it still hurts a little, hearing him ask so bluntly.Â
âI canât get a hold of (Y/N). Sheâs ignoring my calls.âÂ
Another beat of silence, and then I hear Minho click his tongue, as if heâs understanding something he hadnât before. The sound of a pot clangs into the sink.Â
âChristopherâs gonna fucking kill you.âÂ
I roll my eyes, but heâs right, and thatâs exactly why Iâm coming crawling to him for help instead of my best friend.Â
âI know. Why do you think youâre here?âÂ
Minho scoffs audibly, but I hear the jangle of keys as if heâs grabbing things off the counter in preparation to leave.Â
I hope itâs to help me.Â
âI canât save you from him. And I wouldnât want to.âÂ
I run my tongue over my teeth, feeling agitated suddenly.Â
The longer we spend talking, the longer she could be getting herself into trouble, or worse.Â
I wouldnât put it past her to do something stupid right now, not with how furious she was with me when I last saw her.Â
âHyung, Iâm not asking you to protect me, just please, can you-â I stopped.Â
It wasnât like me to ask for help, but I needed his in this moment, and Iâd just have to deal with it.Â
She wasnât going to answer me, sheâd made that more than clear.Â
I take in a stuttered breath and try again.Â
âI know I fucked up, I know that, believe me, but I sheâs not going to talk to me, and I need to make sure sheâs okay.âÂ
A sigh, and then Minho says, âWell câmon then, dumbass. Iâm outside the dorm with the car.âÂ
Relief pools in my stomach, and I open my mouth to thank him, my eyes burning slightly, but he beats me to the punch.Â
âAnd donât even try to get sappy or sentimental on me, because I will retract my help and leave you on your own, so help me god. Now get downstairs.âÂ
I clamp my mouth shut and end the call.Â
********
âWait, wait, wait!â I grab Minhoâs shoulder, and he grumbles as he shakes me off, navigating the car down the cramped roads of the campus.Â
I point toward the lit up bus stop, and the figure walking toward it.Â
âThatâs her! Pull over!âÂ
âI have eyes, thank you.â Minho mutters with annoyance, but he swerves the car over to the curb without another word and Iâm out the door before weâve even come to a complete stop, my feet slapping down hard on the pavement.Â
The panic in my gut is making it hard for me to think straight.
She turns at the noise, expression on guard, and I lunge toward her before Iâve even had time to think.Â
I come to a stop in front of her, chest heaving, and she stares at me, expression unreadable, face hard.Â
She doesnât say a word.
Suddenly, all the fear coagulating in my stomach starts to bitter into something angry, something dark, and I glare at her, the next words from my mouth are ones I instantly wish I could take back.Â
âWhere the fuck have you been?âÂ
Her eyes darken, and her lips press into a thin line.Â
âOut.â Is all she says, and I feel a manic laugh starting to bubble in my chest at the response.Â
Really? Thatâs all sheâs going to give me? Iâve been trying to reach her for hours, worried out of my goddamn mind, and the only explanation to where sheâs been is fucking âoutâ?
Sheâs still holding my gaze with her own, fierce and defensive, not backing down an inch, and I feel the rage bubble heatedly into my throat.Â
I clench my fists.Â
 âThatâs all you have to say for yourself? Weâve been trying to reach you all goddamn night, (Y/N), we were fucking worried.âÂ
I see the corners of her lips turn up at that, as if she wants to laugh in my face, and I wouldnât blame her.Â
Not after what Iâd said earlier.Â
How could she think Iâd be worried? When all I did was push her away?
She turns her head stubbornly to the side, and thatâs when I see it, the drying blood in the corner of her lip, the fresh, red mark across her jaw, already starting to fade to purple around the edges.Â
Everything inside of me devolves into hot, fiery rage, and this time, itâs not directed at her.
I feel out of control as I pinch her chin forcefully between my fingers and yank her gaze back to mine, ignoring the way she winces slightly under the rough touch.Â
âYouâre fucking bleeding.â I growl out, my entire body hot and electrified, like I just touched a red hot poker. My eyes dart once more to the bruising marking her pretty skin, and I can feel myself spiraling. âWhat the hell happened?â
 She yanks from my grip and turns on her heel, stalking toward the bus stop, not giving me another glance.Â
âI handled it.âÂ
I donât think, I lunge forward and grab her wrist, stopping her forward movement as she turns to glare at me with undisguised hatred over her shoulder.Â
Good, I deserve it, and hate is still an emotion, and Iâd rather her look at me right now with any emotion rather than with nothing at all.Â
Nothing is when you know youâve lost them.Â
âWhere the hell are you going?âÂ
She grits her teeth, I see it in the clamp of her jaw, and then she spits out, âIâm getting on the bus and Iâm going home.âÂ
Itâs there again, the manic urge to laugh bubbling up in my chest, the insane urge to yell and kick and hit and do anything, anything at all, rather than feel like this for one more fucking torturous minute.Â
But instead, I meet her head on, I canât seem to back down, and snap right back, âYouâre not getting on the fucking bus, (Y/N).âÂ
She stares me down, eyes cold.Â
âLike hell Iâm not.âÂ
God, why do we both have to be so goddamn stubborn?Â
She tugs from my grasp once more, and I let her, before turns away again.Â
I bite down on the inside of my cheek so hard I taste copper, and take another step after her, catching her once more.Â
She doesnât even bother turning around this time.Â
And when she speaks, her voice is deadly.Â
âLet me go, Changbin.âÂ
No. I donât think I will.Â
I drag her backward easily, toward Minho, toward the waiting car, and she digs in her heels, fighting me, but itâs no use.Â
Iâm a madman, fueled by rage and adrenaline, and Iâm fucking sick of this cat and mouse game.Â
I reach the curb and shove her none too gently toward the car.Â
âGet in the fucking car, (Y/N).âÂ
I see the resolve still in her eyes, see the fire in the depths of her irises, and she crosses her arms stubbornly over her chest, staring me down.Â
âNo.âÂ
Damn it all, I love her fight, I always have, but could she just fucking not for once and fucking listen to me?
Iâm caught in a glare down with her, neither of us willing to give up, and then the sound of the car door opening draws my attention.Â
Minho appears, annoyed resignation on his face, his eyes dark, as he leans against the open driverâs door and pins her down with his gaze.Â
â(Y/N).âÂ
The way he says her name has her instantly turning her head.Â
His expression brooks no arguments as he says in a low, cool voice, âGet in the car.âÂ
I think sheâs going to resist, ignore him, the same way sheâs ignored me all day, but instead, she huffs an angry breath, and opens the door to the backseat, sliding in without another word, before she slams the door so hard the windows shake.Â
Minho gives me a pointed stare across the top of the car, and returns to the driverâs seat.Â
Iâm so angry, I can feel my pulse in every goddamn inch of my body, but I clench my hands and get into the passenger seat, slamming my own door for good measure.Â
Minho sighs, long and heavy, but I simply smirk and slouch back in the seat, crossing my arms over my chest and staring straight ahead.Â
Oh, baby girl, two can play at this game.Â
Minho pulls away from the curb, and I force myself to stare out the window, ignoring the building scents of smoke and frost coming to a head in the space of the small car, tense and uncertain and at odds.Â
Finally, Minho glances into the rearview mirror at her and asks, âWhat happened to your lip?âÂ
I huff a humorless scoff beneath my breath, but donât take my eyes off the road ahead.Â
Sheâs not gonna tell him. Sheâs too goddamn stubborn.Â
âJust some stupid frat boys.â I hear her say sullenly from the darkness of the back seat, shifting slightly, my ears over attuned to her and her every movement.Â
My alpha growls at her words, dangerous and on edge, and I have to force myself from immediately demanding an explanation from her once more, maybe some names, some descriptions.Â
God, I really need to fight someone right now.Â
Frat boys will do just fine.
Especially if they touched whatâs mine.Â
I canât help it, I open my big, dumb mouth, and poke the bear a little bit more.Â
Everything smart inside of me is telling me to shut up, but I canât.Â
I want her to suffer, to be scared, to feel stupid, to feel guilty, like I had all day since the fight.Â
I turn in my seat and fix her with a glare.Â
âSee, this is why you never shouldâve went to that stupid party on your own in the first place-â
She immediately straightens, the fire reignited in her eyes, and her volume rises in anger, her voice shaking.Â
âDo you even fucking hear yourself?â She narrows her eyes at me, and I have to stop myself from letting my gaze drift to the blood by her lips. âIâm an alpha, Changbin. An alpha! Just like you, just like Minho, but just because Iâm a girl-âÂ
Stop, something whispers, stop now, before you cross another line.Â
But I canât.Â
âAnd would they have attacked you if you hadnât been a girl?!â I bellow out, all the anger and fear and exhaustion finally coming to a head, misdirected at her, the twisted messed up source of it all.Â
I see the tears pool in her eyes as I stare at her, chest heaving with rage, but she doesnât bite back, instead she sits back in the seat and stares doggedly out the window, lips clamped, until I finally break eye contact and turn back to the front.Â
Minho shoots me a sidelong, accusatory look, but I ignore him, staring out the windshield as I unlock my fingers slowly, one by one.Â
My palms have red, angry crescent moons dug into them, a tribute to the anger Iâve been trying to keep inside.Â
The rest of the ride home is silent, and the only thing filling the car is the overwhelming, choking smell of smoke.Â
******
When Minho parks the car, she gets out of the back seat without a word and heads toward the elevator without a single backward glance.Â
I let her go, because what the hell am I supposed to say?Â
I get out, and Minho follows, but he doesnât fall in line with me as I walk toward the elevator, and when I turn back, heâs leaning against the car, staring me down with an unreadable expression, swinging the keys between his fingers.Â
I sigh, and rake a hand through my hair.Â
âLet me have it.âÂ
Minho stays silent, his gaze never leaving mine, and then he finally says, âIâm not going to ask what happened. Itâs not my business. But you better fucking fix that-â He motions to the elevator where she disappeared, his expression hardening minutely, and I can tell heâs angry, can tell heâs fucking furious in this moment. â-before I take care of it myself.âÂ
I stand rooted in place, as he pushes off the car and walks past me toward the elevator now, not giving me another glance, but saying in a low, cold voice as he passes, âNo one will ever find your body.âÂ
A chill runs down my spine at his words, because I know he means it, and more importantly, I know heâs right.Â
No one would find my body if Minho had anything to say about it, and I knew better than anyone that Iâd better fix this fuck up, and quickly, if I didnât want him, or her, to hate me forever.Â
I stand there, considering, and when I hear the ding of the elevator being called, I turn, holding out my hand toward him.
He eyes me with a blank expression.Â
I motion toward the keys.Â
âThink Chan-hyung will mind me borrowing his car for another few hours?âÂ
Minho stares at me, then tosses me the keys, which I catch easily in the palm of my hand.Â
 âFix it.â He reiterates slowly, and then steps into the elevator and disappears as well.Â
I clench the keys in my hand and breathe out hard through my nose.Â
Thatâs entirely what I intended on doing.Â
One way or another.Â
I unlock the car once more and slide into the driverâs seat this time, and as it roars to life beneath me, and I speed out of the parking garage, I canât help but think back to that morning, when it had all gone to shit, and only because I was a fucking coward.Â
I had fucked up, and hurt her in the process, and all for what? Because I was too caught up in my head with the logistics, with the rules, with the fear.Â
Iâd ruined it all, self sabotaged, because I didnât want her to feel obligated.Â
But sheâd said it all on her own-I hadnât forced her into anything, deep down, I knew that, I did-but then Iâd let the fear take over, the what ifs, and I hadnât said it back.Â
Fuck.Â
I wanted to-god had I wanted to-but something had held me back, something that haunted me, in everything I did, no matter what it was.Â
The terrifying realization that if I crossed that line, any line, all my hard work to be different, to be better, would go to waste, that Iâd be no better than any other alpha who took what they wanted, just took and took and took, consequences be damned.Â
I wouldnât do that to her, not if I could help it.Â
But I also couldnât explain that, so instead, Iâd shut down, and Iâd pushed her away.
And now Iâd fucked it all up, and I didnât know how to fix it.Â
âI love you.â She had said, breathless and beautiful and entirely too goddamn perfect for this world.Â
I stared at her, still breathing hard, still a little foggy from the high, feeling myself still inside her, slick and warm and beating, and instead of saying anything-because holy shit, had she really just said that?-I stayed silent, trying to compute.Â
The words were there, on the tip of my tongue, pulsing like a hot brand, needing to escape, and then, I had stopped myself.Â
Because she was staring down at me like I put the stars in the sky, her eyes large and dark, and suddenly, in that moment, I didnât know how much of this was her, and how much was me, the smell of smoke burning my nostrils and my throat with every inhale I took.Â
I watched a slight blush replace the flush on her cheeks, and then she ducked her head, and I saw it in that moment, the shame, the embarrassment, and everything inside of me ached, cried out, begging me to say it back.Â
And I wanted to, fuck, Iâd wanted nothing more, because Iâd dreamed about her saying those words to me, every night since I met her, since I knew I wanted to say it to her, but I held myself back, and she slid off me, and darted for the safety of the bathroom without another word.Â
I could taste the regret instantly, like acid, on the back of my tongue.Â
Fuck.Â
I took my time getting up, focusing on slowing my breathing, on steadying my heartbeat, on pushing the three little words back-down, down, down-so they wouldnât escape, and by the time I entered the bathroom, she was no longer blushing, but she kept her eyes downturned from me, cleaning herself up without raising her gaze, cool, detached, focused.Â
I leaned against the doorway for support, and when she looked up to meet my gaze in the mirror, I forced the words out.Â
âListen-âÂ
Listen to what? My poor attempt at excuses? My lame ideology that makes me sound like nothing short of a selfish asshole?Â
She huffed a laugh under her breath, and I saw it, the hurt in her gaze that she was so desperately trying to hide.Â
My stomach dropped at the slight betrayal on her face before she schooled her expression.Â
Iâd hurt her, and I knew it.Â
âItâs fine. Donât say anything. Just forget it.âÂ
She forces a smile onto her lips, twisting them upward, and I feel a dagger twisting with them, straight into the depths of my chest.Â
How the hell do I explain something like this to her?Â
I love you, but I canât say it back, and itâs only because I donât want to hurt you. Ironic, right? Because Iâve already clearly fucking done that.Â
I nod and move past her to wash my hands. Her faint floral scent sticks in my nose, and I suddenly feel like Iâm choking.Â
She turns to leave, and thatâs when I say, âI canât tell you what you want to hear.âÂ
She freezes, hand on the doorknob, and I instantly wince.Â
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Fucking stupid.Â
That hadnât come out how I wanted it to in the slightest. It sounded like rejection, and that was so far from the actual truth that it was laughable.Â
She doesnât turn around, but when she speaks, her voice is wavering, like sheâs on the verge of tears, and my chest completely caves in.Â
âWhat?âÂ
I turn, leaning against the counter, and stare so hard at her back that I feel I could burn holes through her skin-her perfect, warm skin, rising and falling with her breaths.Â
âYou know what I mean.âÂ
She doesnât reply, and I see her fingers tremble on the knob.Â
Why am I still talking? Why?Â
I donât know, but I canât seem to stop.Â
âWhyâd you say it?âÂ
Did I do this? Did HE do this? Did we force you into something you werenât ready for? How can I be sure?
She turns now, brow furrowed in open confusion, like she canât believe why Iâd even ask something like that in the first place, and then asks right back, voice hurt, âWhy wouldnât I say it?âÂ
I blow out the breath Iâve been holding, harsh and irritated, more so with myself than her, and her gaze hardens, crossing her arms over her chest as she stares me down. I see the stubborn flickers of anger in her eyes and her alpha start to raise its head.Â
âWhy didnât you say it?âÂ
Because Iâm a coward. Because Iâm not positive you really meant it. Because Iâm not even sure you want this. Because Iâm so terrified of forcing someone into something against their will that I run the opposite direction as soon as someone opens up to me. Because the deep feelings I have for you scare the absolute shit out of me, and if this all turns out to be fake, then Iâm not sure Iâll be able to hold myself back from falling to pieces.Â
But instead of voicing any of the thoughts in my head, I pinch my nose and say, frustration washing into my words, âDonât make this emotional.âÂ
Stupid, stupid, so fucking stupid.Â
I see the flash of a fight return to her eyes, and god, Iâve always loved that about her.Â
âExcuse me?â She grits out between her teeth, anger flaring. âDonât make this âemotionalâ?âÂ
I physically have to stop myself from grimacing as she throws my callous words back in my face.Â
âYou know what I mean.âÂ
I step around her to leave the bathroom, because thatâs one thing Iâm good at, running away from anything that even remotely appears emotional, how fucking lucky.Â
âPretty sure I donât. Why donât you explain it to me?â Her voice rings with barely contained rage, her words shaking.
She follows me, standing in the doorway, eyes flashing defiantly as I try not to look at her and pull on my discarded shorts.Â
The room is starting to smell like a crisp winter morning, and Iâm honestly expecting to see my breath frosting when I next speak.Â
Iâm getting angry now, my chest tight, my skin hot, and when I whirl to face her this time, I canât stop the words from leaving my lips in a stinging targeted rebuke.Â
She didnât get it. And thatâs my fault, because I didnât even try to explain it to her, but still, could she fucking give me some room to breathe for just one goddamn minute?Â
âSometimes itâs not that fucking deep, okay, (Y/N)? Sometimes it just is what it is!â I grate out, hands clenching at my sides, my vision swimming with hot, molten rage.Â
I wanted to hurt her with my words, and by the look on her face, Iâd gotten my wish.Â
She stands there like a statue, staring at me in angry disbelief.Â
âMe telling you I love you isnât âthat fucking deepâ?âÂ
I stare at the ceiling. Iâm a fucking prick, an asshole of the worst kind.Â
Finally I meet her glare and say tiredly, âDonât (Y/N).âÂ
Because I know this isnât on her, but Iâm backed into a corner, and I need a fucking minute, or a night, or something to get my head back on straight.Â
I canât do this right now, not with her expression telling me Iâve ruined everything.Â
âDonât what?â She retorts, shoving past me to grab her clothes, and I watch helplessly as she tugs on her pants and throws out over her shoulder, âOh, right, donât make this emotional because itâs not that fucking deep and Iâm just a stupid girl who said a stupid thing and has stupid feelings that you donât reciprocate.âÂ
Sheâs wrong, so wrong, but I canât tell her that.Â
â(Y/N)-â I try again, and she whirls on me so fast I almost take a step back.Â
âDonât.â She seethes, eyes narrowing, lips pressed into a thin line. âDonât talk to me like Iâm a child youâre disappointed with.âÂ
The only one here Iâm disappointed with is me, but I donât say that, instead, I keep my mouth shut and school my expression.Â
âFine.âÂ
âFine.â She spits back in my face, stalking past me and out of the bedroom.Â
I follow her, and against my better judgement, I catch her wrist before she can walk out the door.Â
She glares at me, daggers in her eyes, and I donât blame her one bit.Â
âLet me go.âÂ
I shake my head, panic suddenly settling into the cavity of my chest as I stare at her.Â
I canât let her go, not like this.Â
I need to explain, I need to just-
âNo.âÂ
Her gaze darkens, and the air spikes with frost.Â
âChangbin. Let. Me. Go.âÂ
Sheâs not backing down, but neither will I.Â
I shake my head, harder this time, and match her glare, toe to toe.Â
âNot until we talk about this like adults.âÂ
She scoffs, her lips pulling into a snarl, and I admit, it sounds stupid, especially coming from me.Â
âThereâs nothing to talk about. You made that incredibly clear.âÂ
Had I? Thatâs not what I had meant, not in the slightest, but things were twisted in the anger of the moment, and itâs not that I didnât want to talk about it, just that I didnât know how to talk about it.Â
âNo, I said I couldnât tell you what you wanted to hear-âÂ
The phrase hurts falling from my lips again, and I see her visibly wince before she rolls her eyes violently.Â
âOh my god.â She huffs a humorless laugh, sharp and stuck in her throat. âCan you please not repeat your obvious rejection over and over? Kinda sucks.âÂ
Thatâs what Iâd been afraid of. Thatâs not what I was doing. None of this was a rejection of her or her feelings, just a reflection on me, a coward, a gutless fake.Â
Anger boiled in the pit of my stomach-at her misunderstanding, at my stupidity, at this whole fucking situation.Â
I feel my expression harden, and my voice is sharp, as I start to say, âIâm not-âÂ
She cuts me off before I can get another word out.Â
âOh youâre not? Then what are you doing, Changbin? Hm? Please, enlighten me.âÂ
Her tone is stinging, patronizing, but I can feel her shaking where my fingers are looped around her wrist, giving her away, and it makes me want to kneel and beg for her forgiveness, to take it all back.Â
But I canât. So instead, I drop her wrist, and I channel all that guilt into exasperation, into hot anger, and ask bluntly, âDoes it change things? Me saying it back?âÂ
Because it shouldnât.Â
You shouldnât need three fucking words to know how I really feel about you.Â
She stares at me like sheâs just been burned, caught off guard by a hot stove.Â
âAre you seriously asking me that right now?âÂ
âOf course I am!â I blurt out, openly frustrated, growling beneath my breath as I try to control the sudden wave of furious exasperation, clenching my hands at my side. ââBecause I donât fucking get it, (Y/N), if it does, because why?âÂ
I shouldnât have to say it for you to understand.Â
Hurt flashes across her gaze at my raised voice, my scathing question, and she takes a small step toward me, her body visibly trembling.Â
When she speaks, her voice is small, resigned, tired.Â
âIt changes things, because right now, I donât know where I stand.âÂ
I stare at her, unblinking, because I donât really know how to take what Iâm hearing.Â
She doesnât know where she stands without me saying it back to her? Everything Iâve done to show her, everything Iâm still doing to show her, and she refuses to get it, wonât think Iâm serious, until I repeat back what she admitted to me? Why does it matter? Thatâs fucking ridiculous.Â
âWhere you stand?â I repeat her words back to her in disbelief, hoping sheâll hear how stupid they sound. âYou stand where you always have! Why does that have to change?âÂ
With me. You stand with me, you always have, and you always will. Because I canât live without you.Â
She heaves a sigh and reaches for the doorknob.Â
âWhatever. This is clearly not working. Iâm leaving. Just forget about it.âÂ
Without thinking, my fingers find their place back on her wrist.Â
âLet go of my fucking wrist, Changbin.âÂ
Her voice is icy, her tone deadly.Â
I donât back down.Â
Two can play at this game, baby girl.Â
âYou wanna know why it matters?â She hisses at me after another moment of silence, stepping forward, her chest brushing my own, as we both heave angry, impassioned breaths.Â
Her eyes flash as she meets my gaze.Â
âIt matters, because right now, what weâre doing here?â She motions to me, and her fingers brush my chest, and I try not to wish it back to the way it was, to the way she touched me before, before all the shit hit the fan and Iâd fucked up everything. âCould mean absolutely nothing more than an easy lay-not a single fucking thing.â
She thought that? She really thought so little of me? That Iâd jerk her around for months, fake a relationship, just for an easy lay? Just to get my dick wet?Â
Fuck, the anger was inescapable now.Â
I felt my lip curve into the start of a humorless smirk, the sneer flashing across my teeth.Â
I lean into her space, so close our lips are almost brushing, because sheâs hurt me, and now I want to hurt her.Â
I hold her gaze, making sure sheâs listening, and drop my tone into a growl.Â
My smoke overtakes her floral frost easily, choking out the air around us.Â
âAnd you think if someone tells you what you want to hear, that that changes things? Youâre a goddamn fool if you think that changes anything.âÂ
Hurt flashes beneath the anger on her face, and we stare each other down for another charged moment of silence, before she turns away and leaves without another word, slamming the door behind her.Â
I watch her go, and I donât call her back.Â
*****
I pull up to the frat house, the party still going at high volume, and head inside, shoving past the guy at the door who tries to stop me without a word. I glance around at the milling college students, looking for anyone who looks out of place, and head toward the kitchen.Â
As I reach the doorway, I hear a guyâs voice from inside say angrily, âThat bitchâll pay if she ever shows her face around here again.âÂ
I smile dangerously to myself and crack my knuckles.Â
Bingo.Â
I step into the dimly lit kitchen and the three guys lounging against the counters beside the sink immediately look up at me.Â
The one in the middle, the tallest one, the one currently holding a bag of frozen peas over the knuckles of one hand, stares me down with a glare.Â
âWho the hell are you?âÂ
âI could ask you the same question.â I reply back easily, not really looking at them, as I walk along the opposite side of the island, running my fingers along the dozens of different types of alcohol they have available for the party selection.Â
The guy snorts. âLast I checked, youâre in my house, buddy.âÂ
âWell.â I skirt around the island and the guy beside the knuckle kid looks nervous at my approach.Â
I almost grin.Â
Good, he should be.Â
âLast I checked-â I continue, voice low and cool, advancing measuredly, taking my time, like a predator stalking prey. âYou put your hands on my girl.âÂ
Recognition flashes across the middle guyâs face, and anger burns his eyes at my words.Â
âWho the fuck-âÂ
I donât wait for him to finish.Â
I leap forward and tackle him back against the counter, lifting him up and holding him by his throat, his feet dangling, as he struggles in my grasp.Â
The bottle of beer he had been holding is knocked onto the floor, shattering at our feet.Â
âIsnât that right?â I ask again, tone calm and casual, as I hold the struggling frat boy up above my head, cocking my brow at him as the hint of a smile comes to my lips.Â
I glance at his lackeys, seemingly frozen as they watch me hold their leader like he weighs nothing.Â
Iâm just now noticing the one guy has a black ring around his eye, and the otherâs nose looks more than a little crooked, his nostrils still oozing slowly congealing blood.Â
I turn back to the leader with a smirk.Â
âAlthough, it looks to me like sheâs the one who kicked your asses.âÂ
He growls, writhing in my grip, and chokes out, âGet your hands off me, you asshole!âÂ
One of the goonies gets the courage to move, taking a step toward me, but as soon as his fingers touch my skin, Iâm turning on him, pulling leader man with me, leveling him with a deadly glare that instantly has him freezing in place.Â
âI wouldnât if I were you.âÂ
He steps back.Â
âYou pricks!â The guy in my hold struggles again, kicking his feet against the cabinets with a hollow sort of sound. âGet him! Do something!âÂ
âAnd you-â I shove the kid back against the edge of the sink, as he chokes and coughs for breath as my fingers tighten imperceptibly. I let out a long, calming breath through my nose, considering. â-youâre going to get exactly what you deserve.âÂ
The kid yelps as I drag him out the open back door and into the backyard of the frat house.Â
His goonies donât follow.Â
I drop him and he stumbles at my feet, landing hard in the grass as I loom over him, a wicked smile on my face.Â
âWould hate to get that nice kitchen dirty with your blood, hm? Itâll be easier clean up for your friends out here.âÂ
He scrabbles away from me like a crab, and the sight is almost pathetic enough to make me laugh. Almost.Â
Instead, I lean down, grab him by the collar of his expensive looking dress shirt, and set him back on his feet in front of me.Â
I note the ripped skin on his hand, and my smile curves dangerously.Â
âStand up when Iâm talking to you, kid.âÂ
And then, I reel back, and punch him directly in the face.Â
He crumples onto the grass, blood gushing from his nose and mouth, and I wipe my hand off on my hoodie before turning to head back to the house.Â
The goonies move out of my way immediately, terror in their eyes, and then rush behind my back to help their fallen leader.Â
I shake out my fist as I walk back to where Iâd left the car. It felt nice to punch something again, felt even better to punch a punk ass kid like that who had it coming.
I bite back a grin, shift the car into gear, and leave the frat party behind.Â
******
When I get back to my apartment, Hyunjin is curled up in the middle of my bed, watching some sort of drama on the screen of my laptop, a bundle of blankets curled around him.Â
I should shower, but Iâm suddenly exhausted, and without a word, I climb into the bed next to the omega, looping my arms around his waist and burying my nose in the skin of his throat.Â
Hyunjin squirms as my cold hands find the warmth of his belly, and then he glances at me sidelong, a disapproving look on his sharp features.Â
âYou look terrible.âÂ
âThanks.â I mumble, not looking at him.Â
He pauses his movie and sits up, ignoring my grumbles as he disturbs the comfortable position Iâd found, and reaches out to trace a gentle finger beneath my eyes.Â
âYou havenât been sleeping.âÂ
I shrug, picking at a loose string on the comforter that lays over his body.Â
He sighs, and the scent of lemons fills my nose, making my body relax, because Hyunjin has always had that effect on me. Heâs always been a safe space, someone I can talk to, when no one else will listen.Â
I open my mouth, then shut it again, deciding what to say.Â
Finally, I say, âI fucked up.âÂ
He doesnât say anything, just continues to stare until I sigh and roll on my back, staring at the ceiling. I donât look at him as I continue.Â
âWith (Y/N).âÂ
He props his chin in his hand and his gaze softens slightly.Â
I go on.Â
âShe told me she loved me, and I didnât say it back.âÂ
Hyunjin breathes for a moment, the rise and fall of his chest keeping my gaze and mind centered, and then he asks gently, âBecause of the rule?âÂ
I nod. âBecause of the rule.âÂ
He sighs again, and leans his head onto my shoulder. I bury my nose in his hair, he smells like shampoo and gel and lemonade, and close my eyes for a brief moment while he thinks.Â
Finally, he breaks the silence with, âDo you remember when you said it back to me the first time?âÂ
His question catches me off guard, but I do, I do remember, just like it was yesterday.Â
I nod.Â
He smiles, I feel it against the skin of my neck, and then he cocks his head, meeting my gaze from his position against my shoulder somewhat cheekily.Â
âOkay, so whyâd you break the rule with me?âÂ
I scoff, ignoring his question as I shrug and frantically scramble for an explanation.Â
âThat was different! Weâd known each other a long time before, and you said it a lot of times before that, and I knew you couldnât be swayed by fucking biology at that point and I just-â I shrug again, somewhat helplessly, and trail off, rubbing at the back of my neck awkwardly.
Hyunjin sits up and pins me down with his stare, his dark eyes serious.Â
âBut itâs not different. And you know it.â I did know it, just like I knew I fucked up.Â
I sigh heavily and admit, âI know. Youâre right.âÂ
He smiles, sympathetically this time, and leans over to place his soft, long fingers over my own.Â
âLet her have some time, some space. But then you have to make it right.âÂ
I nod, knowing heâs right, and he snuggles back up against me, under the blankets, and resumes his drama.Â
I fall asleep with the smell of lemons in my nose.Â
****
 Iâm not necessarily surprised when she shows up at my door the next day, but Iâd thought that she still needed space, and I would have to be the one to first approach, getting to my knees and offering an apology.Â
It was the least she deserved.
But here she was, coming into my room and sitting down beside my bed like she belonged there.Â
And she did. Iâd always known it.Â
I glanced quickly at her and then back to my manga, like I was scared to scare her off by looking too long, and we sat in silence for several moments, me flipping pages, her staring at the floor beneath her sneakers.Â
Finally, she asked quietly, âWhat happened to your hand?âÂ
I flicked my gaze down to the knuckles of my hand, bruising from yesterdayâs encounter, and shrugged casually.Â
Iâd actually forgotten about them till she brought it up.Â
âJust some stupid frat boys.â I repeated her words from that night, hoping sheâd get the hidden meaning there, as I turned back to reading my comic.Â
I wasnât disappointed.Â
I saw her tuck back a satisfied smile, and my chest warms.Â
I drop the manga to the bed with a sigh, and she looks at me from the corner of her eye in slight surprise, but doesnât move from her curled position by the bed.Â
Now or never.Â
âLook, I know I should apologize-âÂ
Wow. Great start.Â
She interrupts me before I can say anything else, already shaking her head.Â
âYou donât need to apologize.âÂ
I feel self hatred rear its ugly head in my gut and when I speak, my voice is clipped, angry.Â
âYes I fucking do.âÂ
I owe you so much more than that.Â
She startles me by pushing determinedly up to her knees and leaning over me on the bed, her elbows digging into the mattress beside me.Â
The fire is back in her eyes as she smiles ruefully down at me.
Itâs the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen. Â
âNo, Iâm serious. You donât need to apologize.âÂ
I stare at her in open confusion, my brow furrowing, and she gives a little laugh, reaching up to smooth the wrinkle from my brow with her pointer finger.Â
God, Iâd missed her skin.Â
âDonât look so worried.â She says, forcing lightness into her tone. âIâm not gonna hold this against you forever.âÂ
My lips pull thin into a grimace, and I feel myself scowl.Â
âYou should.â Itâs the least I deserve.Â
She shakes her head, and I get a whiff of sweet floral, my gut clenching.Â
âYou were right though.â She admits a little ruefully, lips curving. âYou donât have to say it. It doesnât change anything.âÂ
No, thatâs not right. I hadnât been right, she had been.Â
And it was time to let her know that.Â
I push myself up on my elbow, opening my mouth, but she beats me to the punch.Â
She suddenly looks nervous, wringing her hands and avoiding my gaze.Â
âLook. I get it.â She manages to look at me now, her expression softening. âWhy you have a rule about not saying it back.âÂ
That fucking sneak.Â
I growl beneath my breath. âDammit, Hyunjin. Iâm gonna fucking murder him.âÂ
She laughs, and honest to god, itâs the most beautiful sound Iâve ever heard.Â
And then she meets my gaze, and all the breath leaves my lungs in one fell swoop.Â
âNo, it makes sense. And while I totally get it, I do, I also donât think you should worry about forcing me into doing anything or saying something against my will just because of some stupid pheromones.â
She holds my eye, and I canât breathe.Â
Her breath quivers on the intake, and her chest rises and falls rapidly in quick succession.Â
âBecause Iâm already pretty hopelessly fucking in love with you as it is, and I donât think any amount of biology is gonna change that.âÂ
I stare at her, my mind blank, and then I laugh.Â
It feels so fucking good, I canât seem to stop, even though sheâs staring at me like Iâm crazy.Â
I say the first thing that comes to mind.Â
âSo you meant it then.âÂ
She shoots me a less than fiery glare and balls her hands into tiny fists, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt to look cross, but I think sheâs probably the cutest thing Iâve ever seen.
âOf course I fucking meant it! Why do you think I got so pissed off when I thought you were rejecting me?âÂ
Thought you were rejecting me.Â
Ah. She gets it now.Â
I smile teasingly. âBut I told you I wasnât.âÂ
And I never would. I never will. Because Iâve never wanted anything more than I want you. Please believe me.Â
She throws up her hands in an adorable show of exasperation.Â
âYeah, okay! I get that now, but I was a little too devastated to consider it in the moment!âÂ
I donât wait another second. I tug her down on top of me, and she lets out a little squeak of surprise as she topples forward into my arms, her nose going into the skin of my throat.Â
Sheâs warm and she smells like a flower patch after an early frost, and god, I think Iâve never felt this good.Â
I place my fingers gently on her cheekbones, and tug her back, just enough so I can see her eyes, the long dark lashes brushing her cheeks as she stares up at me.Â
God, sheâs beautiful.Â
And then, I explain. Like I shouldâve the first time.Â
âIâm sorry that I made you think any of that. Iâm sorry that I hurt you by being a stupid asshole. Iâm sorry that you ever thought I didnât feel the same exact way about you that you feel about me.â His lips curve up into the start of a smirk. âAnd Iâm also sorry that you didnât get to watch me kick those frat boysâ asses to hell and back, but Iâm not sorry I did it.âÂ
She laughs, the sound thick, like sheâs holding back tears, and swipes at her eyes with her hand.Â
âIâm also sorry I didnât get to see that.âÂ
Iâm honestly sorry I didnât get to see her kick their asses too.Â
Another time.Â
She buries her nose back in the skin of my throat, comfortingly close to my scent gland, and I feel a contented rumble building in my chest at the feel of her warm body against mine, my arms full of her, the air thickening with wisteria and the flickering flames of a campfire.Â
I take in a deep breath, bury my nose in her hair, and admit softly, âAlso. I had a rule. But I think itâs about time I start living a little less by the rulebook, and a little bit more by the trust you all seem to have in me, however misguided.âÂ
I can feel the way she smiles against my skin, matching my own as I bite it back behind my teeth as she pulls back to look at me once more.Â
I arch a brow at her.Â
âIâm sorry I didnât say it back. But I can say it now, if you want?âÂ
And I want to, because suddenly, Hyunjin is right, and itâs not different at all.Â
She shakes her head, laughing slightly.Â
âItâs not gonna change anything important.âÂ
And sheâs right, it wonât. Not my feelings for her, or our relationship, or the comfort that comes from having her in my arms.Â
But sheâs important, and thatâs enough for me.Â
So I put my finger under her chin and raise her gaze to mine, and I let my fingertips carefully, slowly, trace the outline of her perfect, full lips, then gently draw over the bruising that trickles over her jaw, and I marvel, once again, at how lucky I am.Â
âI know.â I let my eyes meet her own, and sheâs staring at me so openly, nothing to hide, everything on display. âBut what if I want to?âÂ
And I do.
She lets out a breath and then breathes out, eyes never leaving my own, âOkay.âÂ
I lean in and let my lips brush her cheek, so she can feel my words on her skin, inside of her, feel their truth and sincerity.Â
And then I toss everything aside-all the fear and the expectations and the rules-and I say it because I mean it.Â
âI love you too.âÂ
She gives me a sly, sidelong glance, and the corners of her lips perk.Â
âMy alpha pheromones didnât make you say that, did they?âÂ
I growl teasingly and tackle her back into my arms, keeping her in place as I tickle her mercilessly and she giggles, making weak attempts to escape.Â
âNo fucking pheromones were used.â I say softly, against the soft skin of her throat, and everything inside of my soars, because Iâm confident. Itâs true. She loves me.Â
âNo pheromones were used.â She repeats back like a promise, just between the two of us, smiling up at me, and then she leans in and connects our lips, and all the previous rules go out the window.Â
********************************************************************************
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Why A Growing-Back-Together Short Story Would Make Sense For Collins to Write.
I think sometimes fandoms are (rightly so) hesistant to ask for more content. At times though I feel we forget to think about WHY do we want another story, that sequel or spinoff, to see if or not it should be made.
For the most part, the agreement I see is continued stories in a franchise NEED to have a reason behind them outside of just making more. The story needs to, at least, have an excuse other than fans request to be made. If the story has something to say, expanding upon themes in the previous installments and talking about some of it's own while also staying faithful to the OG story it works out great. Bonus, fans really enjoy it when it doesn't feel like a cash grab!
Now. I have not see the new Ballad film (YET!) but I have, in fact, read the book. Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes certeinly does the previously mentioned job of haveing a reason to be written. There is a clear message and story Collins wanted to dig into, expanding upon several of her previous themes and she did it VERY well. While also adding the theme of Nature Vs. Nuture and a few other unique themes I won't go into to. But all this to say, Ballad does it's job as a prequel and is a GOOD thing to be written.
Now. Why does this make me think a story set in the Growing Back Together phase with Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch is next? Well it's that idea of themes.
The Hunger Games is heavy on themes, it has a few majior ones, and touches on a lot of smaller ones. For the sake of this, I think we all can agree some of the biggest, most important themes in the orignal series is Propagada and the corruptive power and control of the Capitol and it's terrible effects, what role vengence plays in war or spesficially rebellion, and hope (and yes, love) being powerful and spesifically a healing force.
The BIG themes in Ballad are those first two. Young Snow is sees the beginning of controling the narrative of the Games, we see how this idea of making it fun and a show is formed and how he is the first one to use that. Though seeing the Capitol in it's early days, we see some of that idea of this cycle of war. How the Capitol feels justifyed with the Games while the war and what they suffered during it is fresh in their minds still. So. Two big themes expanded upon. Check.
That leaves hope, and it's healing force.
Ballad doesn't completely NOT talk about hope, but it is certeinly not a main focus nor is it really expanded on. So this theme is just sort of. Living in the orignal series. And it COULD just stay that way. Or, one of the most hopeful and healing parts of the story (Katniss and Peeta coming together, having their life together despite the Capitols efforts) could also be expanded on.
We could see the way hope begins and continues to help them through the worst days, how they pull one another up. How the love they have spur them on to choose to make and form a relationship based solely on truth and trust. The making of them coming back to life seperatly and together. All the healing that is mentioned but not expanded on in a single story. Focusing in on that theme of healing and hope.
We see Katniss broken at the end of the story, and are told she does put back her peices enough to have a really happy, peaceful life if not a perfect or scar free one without bad days. A story bridgeing that? I can see that being so uplifting. Seeing an example of someone coming to life and talking back freedom and joy after it's been stolen based on the beleif that it can and will be better. Yea. I think that could be very powerful.
Cause Katniss and Peeta ARE the heart of hope and healing in this series. To me, continueing some more of these themes in a new story almost would HAVE to include them in some way.
Now, notice I did mention a SHORT story. That has to do with my one and only hiccup in this defense of a GBT Short Story from Collins and it is the fact the ending was left vauge intentonally. And for a very good reason. It is just better, as a rule, to not neck down and spell out every little detail of ones endgame to allow fans their own space for freedom. However I do think a short story wouldn't wreak that to awefully and would leave fans with the ability to think about the ending their own way still. At least, it would do no more damage than Ballad did. As long as it is a shorter story that is done carefully.
Whew. That was a LOT, and I apologize for the text wall. So, what do you all think? Am I just making excuses for more Everlark canon bites, or is this point I am making holding water for you all? Let me know if you like!
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For the 2024 in review: 9, 19, 30 :)
9. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?
These types of questions are so hard to answer because for me it's hard to pin point just one fic, so I'm going to cheat and pick more than one đ
1.) This past year, it was so much fun writing Falling For You . . for you. đ. Creating Tracy and Mateo are two favorite OCs of mine now and I've got a soft spot for them. The fic was enjoyable to write ( I love a good kid!fic) - I'm still loving how that dream sequence turned out - which I know is a fave of yours as well! The story kind of felt like a little rom-com to me, which gave me all the happy, warm fuzzy feels when everything turned out all right at the end. And you need that every now and then. ( psst . . I saw your suggestion about a little sequel on-shot and it did get me thinking - I might be able to work on a variation of that)
2.) Continuing If I Can Make Your Heart My Home ( Klaine WIP) as been such a pleasure. I'm eternally greatful that @datshitrandom is such a patient partner in crime. I've loved this story from the first ever brain storming session with her and on.
I look back and am exceedingly proud how this story is turning out (yes, I know folks two more chapters!. I'm working on it!). But it is to date the longest thing I've EVER written and I'm so proud of that. I actually checked and I've officially written enough to consider this a Klaine fan fiction novel! đđđđ. Folks seem to also actually like my long ramblings which is always flattering. And I've just loved everything that this story has become - all the Glee cameos . . all the twists, turns . . the angst ( god I love angst as a reader) . . the cliffhanger chapter endings ( which I know drive a lot of you crazy, sorry - but I'm a fan of those too). This is, I hope in its own way, a love letter to the characters and the show I've enjoyed so much.
3.) Now writing Puppy Love ( a RWRB/First Prince WIP) has been a joy because it is my first dip into the RWRB fandom . . (I've done a few one shots, but this is my first multichapter for those darling boys). I think it's going ok . . the characters are just so much fun to write for - and I THINK I've captured them correctly - I love all versions of them, from the book to the movie!
19. Share your favorite piece of dialogue.
It is for another WIP ( I have so many, I know) but it makes me laugh:
This is from a RWRB/FirstPrince online auction fic which I call: how ardently i admire and love you.
Here Alex is at odds as to what to get Henry for his birthday - so he goes to their mutual friend, Pez, for advice.
Pezâ laughter rang out rich and warm. âAlex, my dear Padawan, why are you stressing out about this? You do know that you could just tie a bow around your . .â Pez coughed lightly, his eyes drifting downward as he smirked suggestively. Alex groaned. âI know. I know. I was thinking something else would be better. . . I don't know . . something more spectacular.â âYou are seriously underestimating how spectacular Haz finds your dick, my sweet strumpet.â
30. What would you like to write next year?
I have SOOOOO many WIP I want to get back to.
Sanctuary . . ( Klaine fic) for one I want to get back to as well as finishing up If I can Make Your Heart My Home and Puppy Love ( mentioned above).
I also have this prequel for my first ever Klaine fic that I wrote that I'm dying to get more work on.
I actually have 3 chapters of a Klainetober 2024 fic I had started in October but had to put aside . . it's called Blood, Sweat and Tears and I've got 3 chapters writen so far.
There are a couple of historical fics in my WIP bag for both Klaine and FirstPrince that I want to get too . .
So much writing to do . . so little time!
Thanks again for the ask, @mynonah!
To play, click here.
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HI what did you think about the new short and seeing your hubbies again? Was there something you liked about it specifically? The animation was so fluid as always, it was quite a treat today
Yo! I freaking loved it! I eat up any animation of Mordecai and Viktor, and you're right, this one was gorgeous looking. It's also really nice to see them before canon, and I hope we get more moments like this.
As for what I like about the short...Okay, I'm about to read too into it because that's what I do and I love it, but, I actually think it offers a surprising amount of characterization on Mordecai's part.
Spoilers below
Like, Mordecai seemed genuinely upset Viktor wasn't offering a challenge or putting any effort into it, in a frenzy looking for some strategy in his move to assure him Viktor had put some thought into it.
It makes me wonder if Mordecai acts out not out of maliciousness or a genuine dislike for anyone, but because he's either in desperate need of control anywhere in his life that he latches onto even the slightest mistakes to criticize someone, or he is just really in need of simulation on his level that he tries to convince those around him to at least try to combat his mind just like he does for them.
Except, there's another detail that gives way more clear answers if one takes a closer look at the table. Viktor was winning:
It may only be by one piece, but it is still "winning without a strategy" which is when Mordecai started acting out and insulted Viktor (yes there might be available actions for Mordecai to take on the board, but potentially just being behind might have been enough for Mordecai to feel self conscious, especially in this context). Mordecai did this all because he couldn't stand not being in control, he couldn't stand losing to someone who, in his eyes, had no strategy. Mordecai clearly does a lot better job at responding to patterns than spontaneity, so it frustrates him to no end he can't find a pattern.
Mordecai is a lot more sensitive than he looks or acts. This had nothing to do with strategies in reality, Mordecai just felt self conscious. Mordecai calms down the instant the game is out of the question and Viktor can no longer win, especially since Mordecai basically won by making Viktor flip out, calling it the "Viktor offensive" as if it were a valid strategy (it was his turn I believe, so I assume he means it that way). Heck, as far as we know he wasn't angry at all, he just behaved in that way to push Viktor over the edge (though I do think there is a genuine element to it, and Mordecai probably pretended it was just for show to mask his frustration).
Also side note, I find it so cool even though both their eyes are green, they're clearly different shades of green. Mordecai's look colder while Viktor's are a more earthy tone, which fits both characters super well.
Though it's kind of heart breaking to see prequel Mordecai having so much energy when the Mordecai in the pilot was clearly very emotionally exhausted.
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didn't poast last week so this is a two-week extravaganza post! con: got roped into DMing dnd pro: none of these fools have read mdzs so i can steal plots from there. hope the party is ready to be lead on a quest by a disembodied arm!
listening: oh shit SO many things. i will not be linking to all of them.
depeche mode: basically just their top songs on spotify, not any specific album. strong shoutout to 'shake the disease' and 'wrong' (which featured in my secret samol post!)
disturbed: ditto
franz ferdinand: albums 'hits to the head' and 'tonight'. throwbacks
phoenix: 'wolfgang amadeus phoenix' ditto throwback
inxs: 'x' DITTO throwback. doesn't hit the same as when i first listened to em years ago unfortunately
streetlight manifesto: album 'somewhere in the between'
boy and bear: 'harlequin dream'
sammy rae: 'let's throw a party', 'the good life', and their 'everybody wants to rule the world' cover
hozier: 'wasteland baby' and 'unreal unearth'
paramore: album 'this is why'
grizzly bear: 'veckatimiest' and 'painted ruins'
haken: their newest album 'fauna' because i'm thinking about whether or not to go to one of their shows in feb (leaning towards yes right now)
my SO's pinecore playlist
shosty symphony no 5 (<3)
and, finally, a lot of borodin symphony no. 1 in e flat and the last two movements of rimsky-korsakov golden cockerel because that's what the youth orchestra i'm volunteering with is playing right now haha
for podcasts, i've listened to the new counter/weight prequel eps! i'm so charmed to see these characters again. i still haven't finished millenium break holiday special because i lost my spot when a bunch of an episode played without sound by accident so i finally went and scrubbed back to the beginning of the episode (it's the second to last part) so by next week i will FINALLY be out of holiday special zone.
reading: finished rereading tgcf lol,,, in loving memory of square checkbox: apparently apple is switching to circle ones? hateful wikipedia page for kessler syndrome my friend @celestialtourguide sent me a dm to ask about a few of the characters in this manuscript and i was immediately charmed by it. it's so pretty, i loved the informational blurbs, just really cool stuff. it was already on waybackmachine but i've gone ahead and updated it.
watching: kurtis conner looksmaxxing. weird little subculture peek. rewatched sideways' why the music in cats 2019 is worse than you thought because my roommate was interested. this led us to the same channel's why avatar has the most ironic soundtrack of all time because roommate misread ironic as iconic and she really likes that movie. no accounting for taste, but aight. much more interesting than i thought it would be. that video then lead us to tony hinnigan's woodwind demos because hell fuckin yes. big-ass panpipes.
i've been keeping up on dunmeshi anime in little watch sessions with my SO, and also am working through kill la kill with him! i've seen it before but he has not so i'm really enjoying that.
playing: fallow.
making: i managed to finish my secret samol gift in time for reveal day!!! comics are fuckin hard dude!!!! i don't know if i'll be doing it again but it was a fun challenge. i decided to use a New App for some reason instead of procreate because procreate has not been hitting right and i wanted comic half tone brushes for this project. app is called sketchbook, it's an orange icon with a pencil on it. shrug! it's fine! i'll probably keep using it for a bit. started working on an english paper piecing project! soliciting tips for that because right now my method is: cut out hexagon using pattern piece i made to be 1/4 in larger all around than the template, gluestick template onto hexagon, baste edges down neatly, whip-stitch right sides together. remove template once all six sides have something attached. i'm sure there's a better way to streamline this process, i'll have to experiment. this will end up as a dice bag i think.
finally, pottery starts again this week! so next week will have some of that in here
eating: ah beans i did not do a good job keeping track of this. uh. made the ground pork & cabbage thing again because my roommate got SO much napa cabbage for making kimchi and we had a shitload left over. napa cabbage isn't as good as a more standard cabbage for this imo, standard cabbage tends to be a little sweeter i think once it's cooked in? idk. had some stage 5 mental illness moments last week trying to cook dinner on a very short time scale with lots of other shit to do, following a recipe because fucking of course my roommate wanted me to cook with a recipe that night. anyways.
misc: like said at the top, somehow i managed to sign up for Another Activity god damn it. so now every saturday evening i run dnd. tl;dr i'm in a group irl that meets biweekly, someone who i give a lift to for that was complaining in the car that their other online group's dm ragequit after his encounter wasn't well-balanced (skill issue) and before thinking about it i just was like oh well i could probably step in if you need! god damn ittttt lol i have missed dming so it should be fun. i vibe checked them for a session 0 last week and they seem chill and honestly shouldn't be too much work on my end, especially if i yoink plots from mdzs ha ha ha. other than that, all is basically well. i've settled back into a schedule, applied for some summer positions (!), and absolutely hate the amount of busy work in one of my two classes. yippee
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Star Wars Revenge of the Sith 2005
Interesting that they put the entire movies context in the pre-roll, I don't think it'd hurt to show us the viewers that Grievous kidnapped Palpatine, and that our two lovable heroes are off to save her. Hijinx ensue. Palpatine is a very evil influence on Anakin, I hope he doesn't turn out to be the main villain or something. There's some good fight scenes there. Anakin has emotional angst and is whiny and upset, politics are brewing in the background and Palpatine is an evil influence, more cool battle scenes but on Kashyyk with wookies this time, then on Utapau with Kenobi and Grievous, special shout out to that fight. It's fucked up how Greivous dies, they just explode all his organic parts with a blaster by shooting his heart. Palpatines really good at bullshitting in front of and to Anakin, just making up a ton of shit about how weak he is when he's about to lose, but then once he has the upper hand it's immediately "UNLIMITED POWAHHH!!!!" Also the makeup to make him look like the evil emperor after getting blasted by his own lightning, really doesn't look good at all, and there's a weird voice filter that sounds really bad. Also Anakin goes along with murdering everyone he knows really easily, 'The women and children too.' Once again, it feels like if they removed the first movie, and had a movie set during the clone wars inbetween 2 and 3, to perhaps emphasize Palpatines control over Anakin, and his relationship with Padme too. It also would've helped by giving us the viewers a deeper connection to the clones, seeing them as friends to the jedi, making the betrayal all the much worse. But I guess there's like 3 tvs show about that. Somehow they returned to a fail of episode one, in that 'character from the original trilogy' happened to be present in the prequel trilogy entirely by chance, so you can point at the screen and say 'wow!! I recognize that character!!' It's Chewbacca in this instance, he was with Yoda on Kashyyk. They also do it in a lesser way where the same ship Leia was on in the very beginning of the original trilogy shows up, and captain Antilles is still captaining it, and he had r2d2 and c3po because I guess no one else wanted them? and c3po the only one who can say important things got his mind wiped. Anakins encounter with friends and family on Mustafar is a good scene with some kind of bad lines in it, Anakins actor still isn't the best at showing emotions, better than the last movie though at least. Very unfortunate doing a flip that gets almost every single one of your limbs cut off, also cinemasins ding, convection currents didn't exist during the battle but did exist to light anakin on fire at the end, so that he could look more like his bald scarred self in episode 6. in a similar note they really built him immediately into the Vader suit, didn't put him in a bacta tank to heal the burns or nothing
Even better CGI than the previous movies, the opening ship battle looks amazing and there's a lot of really good designs with the vulture and buzzsaw droids, everyone loves general Grievous, an iconic design. The magnadroids, Grievous' guards, are a personal favorite.
Final Review: Honestly not that bad of a movie, people shit on the prequels but I think that's largely because the first movie of the trilogy is really bad and unneeded, it's solid.
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Antedate | Bucky Barnes
Part 3/13 | Part Two, Part Four
Summary: Sometimes making the right decision feels like the wrong one. That decision can stick with you for years and leave you wondering what would happen if you had chosen something else. But the alternatives likely lead to a much darker path; you'll never know for sure though. One thing is for certain, the decisions I have made will have lasting consequences.
Prequel to Rectify
Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, physical and mental abuse, mention and description of death
a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!
"Make him a blank canvas."
The computer screen is bright as the application loads. To my father's dismay, it's taken me four months to go through Zola's programming and pick out weaknesses. The programming was way more complicated than I originally thought it was going to be. However, I was able to pick out a few pieces that I think can be strengthened.Â
My father told me that my work must be conducted away from prying eyes, so now I work alone in the cryogenesis room. The Soldier in the chamber always keeps me on edge, I feel uneasy working in here. For some reason I always have the feeling that at any moment the Soldier will awaken and break out of the chamber. Though even if that did happen I know Zola's programmed words to make him compliant to me.
I dread the day that I have to wake him up and get him out of the chamber. It won't be for a while yet, but, I'm nervous about it. I don't know what it's going to be like and quite honestly I don't want to look into the eyes of the man who I am destroying. The more I think about what my mission is, the clearer it becomes that I am only fueling Hydra's cruelty and that I am no better than anyone else, for I too am playing an active part now.
The computer application finally loads and I take a moment to poke around and understand how to use it. The application will allow me to run simulations to show how programming will affect someone's mind. There's already a brain scan loaded into the application, I just have to code Zola's programming and upload it.Â
Once I have Zola's programming loaded into the application, I then can create my own programming and layer it in the application to show me how the brain will be affected. From there, I will have to awaken the Soldier to implement it in his mind.Â
This is all easier said than done, I barely have any computer programming skills. It's going to be entirely difficult to translate Zola's program into computer code. I have faith that I can figure it out but I guarantee I won't do it fast enough to please my father. If he could have it his way this entire mission would have been completed five months ago.
I spend the rest of the day trying to write the code to upload but feel as if I've hit a dead end. This is way over my head. I don't know where to start. I sigh and lean back in the chair, feeling frustrated about it. I know better than to ask someone in our technology sector for help since this is a covert mission.
I look around the room, trying to find some inspiration or hoping that an idea will magically come to me. The cold room offers nothing for inspiration, just old technology. I tap my fingers on the desk the computer sits at, thinking of the options I have. I could continue struggling here, I could give up for the day. Each of these options is sure to make my father mad. He hates if I waste even a second of time.Â
I turn the computer off and leave the room, locking it behind me. I tuck the key into my pocket and stare at the floor as I leave the laboratory. I still can't look at anyone in here, not after Leopold.
I get to the hallway and fix my posture, walking with my shoulders back and head held high. There's only one solution to this problem that I can think of; I have to teach myself how to code. I just need a moderate understanding of how it works and then I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out from there.Â
I walk to the technology department of the base and see a man sitting at a desk. He looks up at me with tired eyes before he sits up straight and changed his demeanor.Â
"Miss Averina, what an unexpected surprise. What can I do for you today?" He asks in a fake cheerful tone. I smile at him,
"I would like some materials pertaining to code writing." I keep my request short and sweet. The man raises an eyebrow,Â
"Code writing? You weren't placed in the technology division, why do you need that material?" He questions. Though he has a fair point, I can't tell him. I quickly make up an excuse,Â
"It's for my own entertainment." I say. I can tell that the man is still apprehensive about giving me what I need. Before he can say anything, I get one more word in,
"I think my father would be glad to know the technology division helped me out." I say. I hate pulling the father card, but I'll do it if it means I can finish my mission. The man squints his eyes and stands from the desk. He walks out of sight and I look around while I wait for him to return.
The man returns with a few books in hand and sets them on the desk for me to take. I grab the books, which are heavier than they look, and bow my head slightly to the man.Â
"Thank you." I say and he nods,
"Yes, give your father our regards." He says, still in an obviously artificial happiness. I turn my back on the man and go to my room, where I like to do most of my research and reading. My room is private and many people will not interrupt me here. There is a common area I could do this in, but there are too many eyes and ears there.Â
My room is the only place in the entire base that I feel completely at ease. It's my little safe haven. Or at least, it used to be. Ever since Agent Winthrop stopped by the one day I've been a little on edge. I'm always anxious about if he's going to show up again or not.Â
Interrupting my already anxious thoughts, someone knocks on my door. My stomach twists in anxiety as I go to open it. I wipe a sweaty palm on my pants and open the door. I see a security guard staring down at me. This is a first.Â
"Miss Averina, your father requested your presence in his office at once." The man speaks formally. I nod my head, not understanding why my father would want to talk to me. The guard walks away and I quickly put some shoes on before making the trip to my father's office.Â
I knock on his door and am invited in by my father. He doesn't look upset, nor happy. This could mean just about anything. He places a hand on his chin as he paces back and forth for a few minutes. He's building the tension for a reason, I'm sure of it. He stops pacing and looks at me. I stare back without a word, knowing he is the one that's to start the conversation since he's the one that summoned me here.Â
"I'd like to have a word with you about your mission." He says. He motions for me to take a seat and I do. I'm not entirely sure of where this is going.
"Yes?" I ask him as he takes a seat behind his desk. He sighs,
"I've done some thinking over the past few days. I want to give you some more specifics. I want you to improve what Zola created, but I also want you to completely erase the Soldier's memories. Make him a blank canvas. I think it would be very advantageous to have a Soldier with no memories." He says and my heart drops. I already thought I was ruining a man, but to also erase his memories? I'm entirely uncomfortable with that idea. However, I can't tell my father no.Â
"Yes, sir. I can do that. I've started teaching myself how to code, so that I can use the simulator application. I expect I will be working on my own code in two weeks or less." I say, knowing well enough that I probably won't start my own code for at least another month. I'll have to find some excuse to stall.
"I would prefer if it didn't take two weeks. However, I need this to be perfect and am willing to wait. But not long. Do not keep me waiting, you hear me?" He asks and I nod. I hear him loud and clear.Â
"Yes, sir. I understand. I promise that I will not fail or disappoint you, I will honor the family name." I say, laying it on extra thick for him. I don't need him questioning my dedication or loyalty. I see a small smile on his lips,Â
"I expect great things from you, Adalyn. You are excused." He says and I nod my head and leave his office.Â
How can he so casually ask me to wipe a person's entire memory? I already don't want to destroy this man by creating a perfect code, but I don't know if I can bring myself to erase everything. The Soldier was somebody before he was taken in by Hydra. Surely he doesn't remember his life before, due to Zola's programming, but they're probably still in his mind somewhere.Â
I don't know if I can strip that away from him. Perhaps there's a way that I can write my code but leave his memories alone. I don't know how my father intends to check if his memories are still in his mind or not. I could always lie and say that I erased them. But, if my lie is found out then I am sure to join my mother.Â
Instead of returning to my room, I decide to go visit my mother's grave. A guard opens the door for me and I hug my arms closely to my chest, regretting not going to pick up my coat. I trudge through the snow to where I think my mother's grave is. There's no marker for any of the graves, so I take a guess as to where she is.Â
I stand looking at the ground, hoping I found the right spot. I let out a sigh, and the breath leaves my mouth in a white cloud of condensation. I talk to her quietly, not wanting the outdoor guards to hear anything I have to say.Â
"I need your help. I don't know what to do. Father wants me to completely destroy a man, but I don't want to do it. I don't even want to write the code. Things are so different now, mom. I miss you, a lot. I wish you were here." I say. I hear a sound in the trees and look up, seeing a black and white bird with red around its eyes sitting on a branch.Â
I recognize the bird, my mother always loved the grouses that ran around in the forest. They're kind of funny looking, I always thought. Now that mom is gone, I think I can finally see the beauty she saw in them. They're free, able to run around and do whatever they please. Their coloring is intricate, but has a simplicity to it.Â
I take the bird as a symbol that my mother is with me, though not physically. I take in a big breath and feel as if I've made up my mind. I'm not going to erase the man's memories. I can't do it. It's too inhumane and cruel, not to mention unnecessary.Â
I go back to my room and begin reading the coding books again. I know I can't avoid writing the code, I know that I am choosing to exercise as much mercy and kindness as I can to this man. It's what mom would have done and I know it's what she would have wanted me to choose. I can't bring myself to be fully comforted by this decision though, I'm still going to be responsible for making him a weapon of Hydra.Â
#bucky barnes x oc#james bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky#bucky fanfic#hydra#bucky barnes fic#james buchanan barnes#marvel#the winter soldier#winter soldier#bucky barnes angst
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Even the Losers
Chapter 1
âYou can do this Marinette,â Adrien whispered encouragingly, echoing the mantra sheâd been whispering to herself for the past two days. Â She could do this. Â She could manage. Â This was for Max. Â She could handle it. Â He couldnât be here but she could. Â She could be strong for him. Â She gave Adrien a shaky smile and nodded. Â âWe just have to find him and we can leave,â he reminded her.
Marinette took a breath and let it out slowly. Sheâd dealt with far, far worse than a few judgmental, heartless asses who had no real interest in her. Â But seas of artificial smiles had always unsettled her and currently she was surrounded with so much artificial sweetness she felt like she was walking through a kidâs cereal aisle. Â That added onto her already existing anxiety had her ready to bolt at the slightest provocation.
She ran her hand over the skirt of her dress, letting the feeling of the fabric and the knowledge of all that had gone into it soothe her. Â She was especially proud of her dress and the work that had gone into it. Â It was a black so dark it almost appeared to draw in the light around it. Â A mesh with strategically placed blood red decorations overlaid the dress, hugging her bodice until it reached her hips then dropped into a flowing skirt that ended just before it could pool on the ground.
She fought the urge to fiddle with the belt in her nervousness. Â She couldnât show weakness like that, not here. Â She looked up at Adrien again in search of an anchor to reality. Â She took in his expression and had to stifle the laugh that resulted. Â He had his own artificially sweet smile on but his eyes quite clearly begged for a quick death. Â He glanced down to her and nudged her discreetly, his artificial smile becoming wide and real. Â âShhhh,â he hushed her under his breath. Â âWeâre trying not to attract attention to ourselves, remember? Â Weâre ghosts.â Â He looked around to make sure nobody was looking at them.
Marinette immediately quieted, her face becoming somber. She did remember. Â In and out. Â That was the goal. Â Her goal. Knock the man on his ass with Maxâs accomplishments, then never see him, or anyone else in this room, other than Adrien of course, ever again. Â They were supposed to be like ghosts. Â There but not. Â Her eyes scanned the room looking for their target.
Adrienâs eyes immediately softened and filled with regret.  âShit, Mari. Iâm sorry.  I didnât mean toâŚâ
âNo,â she looked up at him with an artificial smile of her own. Â âI know. Itâs fine. Â Itâs not your fault.â Â She scanned the crowd again, cursing her height, as she had many times in her life. Â Even with the six inch, death defying heels, she still barely reached Adrienâs eyes, let alone give her any kind of advantage to see the crowd. Â She needed some kind of vantage point but unfortunately, the only high point in the ballroom was the stage, which she couldnât utilize if she was going to follow her Ghost policy. Â âWe might have more success if we split up. Â Let me know if you find him.â
Adrien squeezed her arm quickly before nodding. âGood luck.â
Marinette shot him a genuine smile. Â âYou too. Â May the Luck be with you.â
Adrien laughed and shook his head. Â âI never should have forced you to watch that movie.â
Marinette grinned back. Â âYou never should have forced me to watch the prequels. Â The original ones were just fine.â Â Adrien narrowed his eyes at her but let it drop in favor of disappearing in the crowd to find their target.
Marinette followed him with her eyes until she couldnât see him anymore then took a deep breath to brace herself. Â Her eyes immediately started darting around and her fingers started dancing. Â She needed something to occupy them or she was going to start attracting unwanted attention.
She noted a bar close by and made a beeline for it. She waited politely for the bartender to notice her, her fingers tapping anxiously against the bar while she waited. She froze when she heard a gruff voice next to her. Â âDid you sneak in here?â
She turned to the voice and blinked a few times. âExcuse me?â
âYouâre anxious and jittery. Â Afraid youâre going to get kicked out?â the man elaborated.
Marinette studied him for a moment trying to figure out why he looked so familiar. Â âNo,â she started slowly, trying to give her brain a chance to answer the puzzle. âJust not a fan of events like this.â
The man scoffed and nodded in understanding. âCheers.â  He raised his glass for her to clink his but she held out her hands with a sheepish look, showing she didnât have a drink yet.  âWell, thatâs a crime.  Nobody should have to endure one of these without a drink.â  He motioned to the bartender and got an immediate response. âAnother for me and aâŚâ he motioned to Marinette to give her order.
âOh, champagne, please,â she finished with a smile for the bartender. Â Thatâs what was socially acceptable at events like this, right? Â Champagne.
The bartender looked to the man for confirmation. The man nodded. Â âAnd a champagne for the woman.â Â Marinette scowled at the bartender causing the man to laugh. âHeâs just worried that youâre underage. You look awfully young. Â Youâre not, right?â
Marinetteâs glare softened in realization. Â âOh, that makes sense. Â No, Iâm not. Â I forgot the legal age here is higher than in France.â
He nodded and looked at her critically for a moment before offering his hand. Â âJason.â
Marinette immediately reached out for his hand and answered with her name before her brain registered the name heâd given. Jason. Â Jason Todd. Â Bruce Wayneâs son. Â She pulled her hand back quickly as the realization hit her and focused on leveling her breathing. Â She grabbed the champagne glass more violently than necessary when the bartender set it down in front of her and immediately downed the entire glass, only coughing a bit as the bubbles tickled her throat. Â Overall, champagne was not the best drink to chug. Â âAnother, please,â she croaked out.
âYou know, there are better drinks for that, if thatâs what you want to do,â Jason grinned, laughing at her.
âWasnât the plan until it was and then thatâs all I had,â she croaked out, her voice still hoarse from the bubbles. Â She kept her eyes focused on her empty glass as she spoke, almost afraid to make eye contact with him as if just seeing her eyes would be enough to blow her cover.
Jason chuckled and nodded in understanding. âDonât suppose youâd care to dance?â
Marinette whipped her head to him and stared incredulously, forgetting her previous reservations.  She only moved again when the bartender set the new drink down in front of her.  âUm⌠no⌠thank you.  That doesnât seem⌠I donât think my date would be comfortable with that.  Good luck getting drunk enough to handle tonight though.â  She gave him a weak smile and raised her glass to him before moving into the fray again, now armed with a socially acceptable fidget toy.
It took five minutes of avoiding wandering hands and leering looks but with a little luck and some prodding from the goddess hiding in the folds of her skirt, she was finally able to stumble on M. Lucius Fox, Director of Research and Development for Wayne Enterprises. Â He was in a conversation he was not remotely interested in with some vapid business exec who was just as interested in M. Fox. Â Not that M. Foxâs disinterest was clear. Â He was very polite and good at covering his boredom, much more so than his conversation partner, but sheâd been at enough stuffy, snobby parties with Adrien, Felix, and Chloe to know the signs.
She took another breath and squared her shoulders, going into Ladybug Mode; calm and confident, completely assured of herself. She was on a mission. Â She had a goal and a plan to accomplish it, and once she had a plan, she had a direction and purpose, and with those, her insecurities fell away. Â With M. Fox in her sights, she could see the pieces and the way they fit together. There were no more doubts. Â She set her glass on a passing waiterâs tray and made her way over to M. Fox.
âThe elusive M. Fox. Â It is a pleasure to meet you,â Marinette purred, coming up next to him with a charming, real smile.
âI didnât realize I was hiding,â Lucius responded with a polite smile of his own.
âMust just come naturally. Â Foxes are known to be crafty.â Â Marinette looked around them and motioned toward the dancefloor. âWould you care to dance, M. Fox?â
He shook his head deferentially. Â âAre you sure there arenât other people here youâd rather dance with?â
Marinette smiled conspiratorially and leaned closer to him, making sure to keep a respectable distance. Â She did NOT want to have her banter confused with flirting. That was not the strategy she had devised. Â âThat would defeat the purpose of coming here. Â I came here specifically to speak with you.â
Lucius looked down at her analytically, trying to figure out what her angle was, but took her hand and followed her onto the dancefloor.  âAnd what did you want to speak about, MsâŚ?â
âDupain Cheng. Â Marinette Dupain Cheng. Â Itâs nice to meet you M. Fox. Â I wanted to speak to you to sell my friend Max Kante.â
Luciusâ eyes widened almost imperceptibly as the music changed. Â After a beat, he chuckled. Â âIâm not in the market to buy anyone, but thank you.â Â He settled his hands on her mid-back and hand for their dance.
Marinette chuckled good naturedly along with him. âSell his talents, would be a better way to say it.â
âAnd where is Mr. Kante?â Lucius raised an eyebrow at her, curious why the young man didnât bother to come himself. Â âWhy are you presenting his talents instead of him?â
âFinals.  Had the incredibly bad luck to have a Friday at noon final.  I mean at least it wasnât at 19h, right?  Can you believe they have those?â  She scrunched up her nose in playful disgust.  âBut still means heâs taking it right now.  And for his last final of his career.  I mean⌠probably.  Knowing him, he might get another PhD at some point.  My finals and presentation ended last week.  M. WaâŚâ she took a steadying breath and looked back up with a strained smile hoping he wouldnât notice the stutter.  âM. Wayne even visited for it.  Thatâs when the idea for this came to me.  So while Max studied, I plotted.â
âSo why me then and not Mr. Wayne?â Lucius asked with a curious interest.
Marinette froze for just a second. Â Hardly enough for anyone to notice. Â Her mind raced to calculate the appropriate response to that question, a satisfactorily casual yet intelligent response. Â âM. Wayne isnât in charge of research. Â You are. Â Not to mention, I highly doubt the CEO would be involved enough in the research and development projects to know what was going on. Â You I take as a man who knows what is going on with all your ongoing projects.â
He nodded. Â She wasnât wrong, or normally wouldnât be. Â Mr. Wayne usually was not involved in any projects and with the exception of one particular project they were having issues with, he wouldnât know the particulars. Â âA very dangerous and elaborate plan. Â Why didnât you make an appointment with me? Â Or just stop me on the street?â he prodded, hoping for her thought process.
Marinette laughed lightly. Â âI donât imagine I would have had a chance in Hell of making an appointment with you in your office. Â I have no standing, no name, no significance that would have attracted any PA worth their saltâs attention. Â I would have been pawned off onto a low ranking employee to handle, if I was handled at all. Â And something like this needed to be taken to you. Â
âAs for running into you on the street, I canât imagine you would have responded positively to getting accosted on the street. You seem more than capable of handling yourself with grace in the face of a pest. Â I doubt I would have gotten more than a few words in. Â At a gala however,â she grinned conspiratorially at him. âSocietal convention. Â Almost absolute certainty of at least one dance where I would have you one-on-one for a few minutes. Â Hostage audience. Â Figured I could use it to my advantage for once.â
Lucius smiled back at her ingenuity. Â âThereâs an application process he could have gone through,â he noted. Â
Mari nodded and looked out to the crowd, scanning it. Â âRight, applying to M. Fedor Rabler,â she said distractedly. Â âHe did that.â
Lucius nodded in understanding. Â Their application process was tough. Â Lots of amazing candidates didnât get through. He had to respect her devotion to her friend, to risk coming here and potentially making an enemy of Wayne Enterprises if heâd been that sort of man. Â His eyes turned sympathetic. Â âIâm sorry he was passed over.â
âYou know, Iâve noticed Elspeth Cole puts forth a lot of inventions and extremely varied ones at that,â she continued as though she hadnât heard his consolation.  âMost inventors, you can see their process, you can see how they got from one invention to the next, but hers⌠theyâre so varied.  Itâs almost like theyâre coming from completely different people.â  Lucius watched her carefully, waiting to see where she was going with this.  âThatâs them, isnât it?  Dancing together.  Awfully close for purely colleagues.â
Lucius followed her sight line to Ms. Cole and Mr. Rabler dancing extremely closely. Â Not obscenely, but perhaps a bit closer than was normally acceptable at a society event such as this one. Â âItâs hardly incriminating that two people with expertise in electrical engineering would get together,â he said slowly.
âMax is amazing. Â Brilliant,â Marinette said, seemingly not noticing her non-sequitur. âHe created an AI that helped the Parisian superheroes locate and defeat our supervillain at only 14.â Â Luciusâ brow rose. Â That was certainly promising. Â He wondered what would have caused them not to take such an applicant. Â Surely there was some sort of embellishment there, but as he studied her, she seemed entirely genuine. Â
âHeâs being scouted by several high profile companies including Lexcorp and Palmer Technologies.â  She turned her attention back to Lucius, a curious pout on her lips. âBut not Wayne Enterprises.â  She looked away with clearly forced casualness. âLexcorp and Palmer, theyâre offering pretty impressive packages.  Not as good as he deserves in my opinion, but I may be a bit biased.  Wayne Enterprises however⌠nothing.  Not even an offer.
âNow, I donât really have a dog in the fight⌠other than wanting my friend to be safe and treated with the respect he deserves. But Palmer Technologies gets blown up by a villain or its inventors kidnapped far too frequently for me to be comfortable with my friend working there.  And LexcorpâŚâ  She looked down as if in thought before looking back at him again with a determined look in her eye.
âYou know, I get a feeling sometimes. Â I canât really explain it, just get a feeling about people or things. Â Iâve found itâs best for me and the people around me if I listen to that feeling and that feeling tells me Lex Luthor is the last person who should be trusted with a brain as brilliant as Maxâs.â Â She looked back over to Mr. Rabler and Ms. Cole. Â âThat same feeling told me Max shouldnât trust the application process for Wayne Enterprises.â Â
She looked back at Lucius with an apologetic smile. âNo offense.  So, I convinced Max to make a small part of his submission just a little off.  Just a bit. Enough that even an expert could miss it, but if itâs wrong the project could never work.  It took a lot of convincing to get him to do it.  He refused to believe he had anything to worry about in Wayne Enterprises with its stellar reputation.â  She scrunched up her face in annoyance.  âBut that feeling, you know?  I couldnât get over it.  After a lot of work, I convinced him there was no harm.  After all, if he was hired he could fix it.  If he wasnât⌠well, you shouldnât be using what he presented anyway, right? No harm, no foul as you Americans say.â
âNo,â Lucius agreed. Â âThat would be theft and completely against WE policy and standards. Â In fact, we should not be asking applicants to submit anything like that in the first place.â
Marinette smiled and nodded approvingly. Â âIâve heard rumblings, or rather Max has, of WE getting into transmutation of materials. Â Just canât get that algorithm right though, can you? Â Algorithms are hard. Â Just a little off and nothing works.â
He stared at her. Â That was a secret project. Â Other departments in Wayne Enterprises didnât even know about it. Â âI canât comment on ongoing projects.â Â
âI never did show you what Max is capable of, did I?â Â She gave him a bright smile and reached down to press a disguised button on her belt. Lucius tensed and cursed himself for exposing himself to whatever she was about to do. Â A wave of emerald green washed over the front of her bodice as the blood red decorated mesh overlay turned into a brilliant emerald green that reflected the lights now rather than absorbing it.
Luciusâ eyes widened in surprise, a feat very few had been able to draw out of him. Â âHe designed the fabric?â he whispered out. Â He reached out tentatively to touch the fabric at her shoulder.
Marinette grinned brilliantly at his reaction. Â It was no less than Max deserved. Â Heâd worked incredibly hard on it. Â âHe did,â she nodded in confirmation, âand the software that controls it. Â The whole dress can change but weâre kind of surrounded here and I didnât want to attract too much attention.â Â She let him touch it for a moment before pushing the button again to turn it back into the black, then allowing him to feel the mesh to confirm it was the same fabric. Â âHe has ideas for changing the texture as well, but limited resources you know? Something Iâd hope wouldnât be an issue at WE.â
âHow does it work?â Â His eyes were still focused on the fabric at her shoulder. He took a quick look at the rest of the bodice, but quickly snapped his eyes back to her shoulder. Â The neckline was conservative, but it was still rather unbecoming to stare at the young womanâs chest.
Marinette laughed. Â âYouâll have to ask Max that. Â I just designed the dress. Â I donât really understand the mechanics behind it, but he does. Â I doubt Ms. Cole can say the same.â
Lucius stared in awe at her shoulder before looking back up to her eyes and nodding in understanding. Â âInteresting. Â Iâll take that under advisement. Â Maybe we should be scouting you as well.â
Mari laughed. Â âNo, thank you. Â Iâm not an inventor. Â Iâm a designer. Â But I appreciate the interest.â
Lucius nodded and led her off the dancefloor with the end of the song. Â âInventor or not, we can always use someone with intuition, intelligence, and ingenuity like youâve demonstrated.â Â
Marinette gave him a brilliant, somewhat familiar smile. âThatâs very flattering. Â Thank you, M. Fox. Â But tonight is about Max. Â I have my own, separate plans for my future.â
Lucius nodded in understanding.  âOur loss,â he answered sincerely.  âIf you ever need any help or advice, please feel free to call me.  Iâm sure Mr. Kante will have it soon enough and can pass it onto you.â  He looked back down to her shoulder again.  âIf I mayâŚâ  He motioned toward her shoulder. Â
Marinette laughed. Â âOf course. Â I understand how truly impressive it is. Â Itâs been incredibly inspirational, thinking of the options.â
âAnd what did your intuition tell you about tonight?â He looked up to meet her eyes, curious about her answer.
Marinetteâs face went slack for a moment before she pasted on a bittersweet smile. Â âThat it would be costly but worth it.â
Lucius quirked his head to the side. Â âIn what way?â
Marinette shook her head absently and took a sudden interest in M. Foxâs tie. Â âIâm not sure yet.â
Mr. Foxâs eyes softened. Â âWould he be available to meet on Monday?â
Marinette grin and snapped her eyes up to him. Mission success! Â Max was going to get his interview! Â âHe can be.â
âIâd actually like to speak with both of you, if you donât mind. Â In my office at 10 Monday?â he offered. Â
Marinette faltered. Â âIn Wayne Enterprises?â
Lucius chuckled. Â âNaturally.â
Marinette swallowed heavily. Â âWhy donât we meet somewhere else? Â Early morning coffee perhaps?â she offered instead with an artificial smile. Â âHereâs my card. Â Have someone give me a call or text and I can arrange it. Â Heâs scheduled to fly in tomorrow morning. Â He was supposed to meet with Lexcorp Monday morning, but heâll be at coffee to meet you instead.â
Lucius smiled back at her as he slipped her card into his pocket. Â âI greatly appreciate your candor and support Ms. Dupain Cheng.â Â He took her hand in both of his to shake it. Â âI cannot tell you how good it was to meet you. Â And if you ever get one of those feelings about me or Wayne Enterprises, let me know, okay?â
âLucius.â
Lucius froze at the cold voice, not accustomed to that tone of voice directed at him. Â He looked over curiously and missed Marinette freezing before pushing another button on her belt.
Chapter 2
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#maribat#bio dad bruce wayne#roynette#Even the Losers#mbdbwm2021#prompt -#meeting for the first time
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